Life, 1917-03-22 · page 10 of 38
Life — March 22, 1917 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two distinct pieces: **"Modern Confessions" (left):** A first-person narrative from a man obsessed with hats. He owns eight hats, hides this from his wife, and becomes increasingly anxious about acquiring more. The piece satirizes male consumerism and obsessive collecting, portraying the hat-buyer as psychologically troubled—unable to stop despite knowing it's irrational. It mocks both the compulsion and the secrecy men employ around purchases. **"The Great Need" (right):** Commentary on a new Industrial Workers of the World (IWW) union branch in Duluth, Minnesota. The satire criticizes unions as arriving "too late" and sarcastically proposes manufacturing standardized "servants" via machine—a Henry Ford-style assembly line for domestic help. It mocks both unions and the wealthy's desire for perfectly efficient, obedient servants, questioning whether such automation is progress or absurdity. Both pieces satirize modern American consumption and labor anxieties.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
474 Modern Confessions AM a hat maniac. It came upon me gradually. It stole over me unawares. I opened my ward- robe door one night, and saw that I had eight hats. The fatal truth then dawned upon me. After that I got to concealing my condition from my wife. Whenever I got a new hat I told her I had won it on a het. The faithful soul believed me, until one evening she said At last I see it. I will help you fight. I know how it is myself.” She it was, indeed, who encouraged me to get my first second hat. I bought the first one alone. She did not like it. (They never do.) And so she per- suaded me to go in with her and buy another. How I hated that second hat. After that the toils gathered around me. At first I experienced a fierce burst of joy whenever I yielded, and for a few days my new hat carried me along exultantly. Then I began to feel a sickening sense that, after all, it wasn’t my kind of a hat. I hated it thereafter. Then began the struggle anew. I realize now that I am lost. The craving for new hats is ineradi- cable. Whenever I go into my hatter’s they all gather around me. They mean well, those salesmen, They know that I am struggling for an ideal. They know that no hat ever looks well on me—in their souls they know that. But some day— And so I go on, and on, and on— Excuse me, I must go now; there is a man crossing the street yonder. He has on a shape I have never seen be- I follow him! . fore. “EVENTUALLY, — WHY NOT Now?” The Great Need T! = Industrial Workers of the World have created a servants’ union. The first branch has been estab- lished,in Duluth, Minnesota. The scale of wages is from twenty to thirty dol- lars per month, with nine hours a day and one day off during the week for recreation. The only trouble with this union is that it has come too late. It assumes GREAT AMERICANS MISS FONDA EATON, WHO HAS A STOMACH SPECIALIST ENGAGED BY THE YEAR that there are servants. It is very much like announcing a race when there are no entries. What we really want is a union that will manufacture servants to order. We want a domestic Henry Ford, who will invent a machine to turn out a good cook every forty-nine seconds. We don't care much how she looks, if she can cook. We prefer to have her run by electricity rather than alcohol. comicbooks.com