Life, 1917-03-01 · page 18 of 42
Life — March 1, 1917 — page 18: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This *Life* magazine page contains three satirical pieces: **"Plain People and Demi-Gods"** parodies how schools treat teachers versus how baseball treats players. It imagines teachers undergoing "spring training" at luxury hotels with salary negotiations and performance bonuses—mocking the contrast between baseball's professional compensation and teachers' undervalued status. The superintendent's boastful claims mirror sports team competitiveness absurdly applied to education. **"Modern"** is a brief newspaper office joke: a dramatic critic is unavailable because he's covering a phonograph recital instead, so a musical critic will substitute—highlighting the era's fluid journalism and understaffing. **"Diary of a Publisher's Office Boy"** humorously reimagines Shakespeare pitching *Romeo and Juliet* to a 1600 publisher who rejects it for killing both leads and setting it abroad (audiences want domestic plots). This satirizes how even masterpieces might fail modern commercial publishing standards—a joke about shortsighted editorial judgment. The office boy dismisses Shakespeare as a vagrant.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“LTP ES: “WILL YOU STOP THAT SHIVERING, HELOISE? We'VE GOT TO ECONOMIZE SOMEWHERE” Plain People and Demi-Gods IF SCHOOL TEACHERS WERE PROFESSIONAL BASEBALL PLAYERS T 2 teachers of Mudville high school assembled last week at Hot Springs, Florida, for their annual spring training. After a month’s stay there they will gradually work their way north in time for the opening of the school season. The first few weeks’ work will consist of an hour's read- ing and an illustrated lecture every day. The teachers are lodged at the Albemarle, the leading Hot Springs hotel. Professor Casey arrived in camp yesterday. She was holding out for a five-thousand-dollar salary and a bonus of one hundred dollars for every ten papers, over one thou- sand, corrected. Three new teachers arrived to-day. This brings Super- intendent Sweeney’s number of extra teachers up to twelve. Most of these will spend a year or two watching the veterans work, until they are properly seasoned. Superintendent Sweeney said in a recent interview The school that ranks higher than ours this year will have to go some. This is the most promising bunch I've had in years. We are especially strong in history and biology, and with a little extra coaching I expect to make our Eng- We shall run away with the All our teachers are pull- lish staff second to none. debating and oratorical trophies. ing for the extra thousand that comes with the winning of the championshij Will Lou. Modern ASHER: (in newspaper office) : critic? ‘pitor: At the Gem theatre, reviewing the premicre of the Thriller Film Co.'s new six-reel thriller “Well, the musical critic will do as well.” “Sorry; but he is covering a phonograph recital.” Where's the dramatic Diary of a Publisher's Office Boy Je 7, 1600. Thys daye ye Bosse bade mee remaine in ye Outer Office to keepe Callers from Hinderyng Hym in Hys affaires. There came an olde Bumme (Ye same weh hath beene heare beforre) wth ye Scrypte of a Playe, dubbed Roumio ande Julia. Hys name was Shake a Speare or somethynge lyke thatt. Ye Bosse bade mee reade ye maunuscripp myselfe, as hee was Bus: I dyd. Ande of alle foulishnesse, thys playe dyd beare away ye prize. Conceive ye Absuerditye of laying ye Sceane in It it ys welle knowne that Awdiences will not abear nothyng that is not sett neare at Home. Butt woarse stille, thys fellowe presumes to kille offe Boath Heroe ande Heroine in ye Laste Acte, wch is Intolerabble toe ye Publicke. Suerley noe chaunce of Success in thys. Ye awthour dyd reappeare in ye aufternoone, and dyd secke to borrowe a crowne from mee, but I sente hym packing. Ye Bosse hath hearti- lye given me Styx forr admitting such Vagabones to ye Office. I tolde maister Shake a Speare that unlesse hee colde learne to wryte Beste Sellers such as Master Spen- ser’s Faerye Quene (weh wee have put through six edi- tions) there was sucrly noe Hope for hym. Hee tooke thys advyse in goode parti Hys jerkin wolde have beene ye better for a Christopher Morley. THE SNAKE CHARMER comicbooks.com