Life — March 1, 1917 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“hae ES The Unquestioned Leaders ADES was in an uproar and His Satanic Majesty's throne-room was crowded with protesting lodgers. “T won't have it!” shricked Cesare Borgia in a frenzy of wrath. “I've been thrown out of my pet brimstone lake and it’s being put in order for someone else. Who else, I'd like to know, has earned that brimstone lake as thoroughly as I did in my long and poisonous career?” “Yes,” hissed Catherine de Medici, before His Satanic Majesty could re- ply, “yes, and I'm being turned out of my lovely apartment with the bath of boiling oil! I—J/, who was alone re- sponsible for the massacre of St. Bar- tholomew’s Eve! It’s an outrage.’ “T'll tell youn" began His Satan- ic Majesty; but he was interrupted by the querulous voice of Louis XI. “Was it for nothing,” shrilled the old king, tottering forward on his rick- ety ley “was it for nothing that I earned the reputation of being the most heartless of France's monarchs? Why, then, are your minions shaking down and re-arranging the bed of blazing charcoal that I have heated to exactly the right temperature? Answer me that!” “And why,” boomed Nero, throwing his toga over his shoulder as he stepped forward and glanced nervous- ly behind him, “ why have I been given notice to vacate my lodgings with the flaming sulphur _wall-decorations? Surely there is no one who has done greater wrongs than Nero!” These sentiments were echoed by cries of protest from such prominent resi- dents of Hades as Philip II, Caligula, Robespierre, Marius and Morgan the Buccaneer, all of whom had evidently been routed from their regular quar- ters, and who seemed to resent it deeply. “My dear friends,” shouted His Sa- tanic Majesty when the din had par- tially subsided, “ I appreciate your feel- ings in this matter; but when you have heard the whole story you will proba- bly feel less resentment. Your quar- ters, ladies and gentlemen, are the choicest we have. We have, therefore, thought it only right to turn them over to the members of the German army and government who took leading parts in the rape of Belgium, and permitted and encouraged the atrocities that have since taken place there. These gen- tlemen are, of course, entitled to the greatest honors that we can give them, and I trust that you will give up your apartments to them willingly, and ac- cord them a fraternal welcome.” Cesare Borgia’s face was immediate- ly lighted by an understanding smile. “Why didn’t you tell us that sooner?” said he. “Why, the men who de- spoiled Belgium are far ahead of us. We can't begin to compete with them for general cruelty and cussedness. Let’s go down to the Styx and give them a yell when the boat pulls in, boys!” And from the enthusiastic cheers with which the ‘assemblage set off for Charon’s ferry-slip, one could easily see that the Despoilers of Belgium would be awarded the place of honor in Hades. Kenneth L. Roberts. The Scholar and His Books “VY/HO is this?” “This is a Scholar.” “ What does the Scholar do?” “He writes Scholarly Books.” “Who reads the Scholarly Books?” “Other Scholars.” “What do the Other Scholars do?” “They write Scholarly Books.” ISTRESS: home day. Prospective Cook: Fine! It’s mine too; perhaps we can arrange to receive together. Tuesday is my at- YESTERDAY AND PROHIBITION DID IT GRAND \OPERA MSEeK ETS sovD HERE TO-MORROW comicbooks.com