Life — February 22, 1917 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“ETRE * MADE IN GERMANY On Leading a Double Life 'HERE would be many advantages in leading a double life if it were possible to do so, but it is not. Many young and inexperienced men and women, with the best of intentions, have started out to broaden their lives and make them fuller and more complex by making them double. But they have invariably found that a double life is the most intractable thing in the world. It absolutely re- fuses to be led. It is wholly incompatible with the limita- tions of time and space which beset the human animal. The most exasperating thing about a double life, however, is that to be led it myst be kept secret, for as soon as a double. life becomes generally known, it is no longer a double life, but an ordinary single one. That difficulty is insurmountable, for if there is one thing above another that a human being, man or woman, cannot do it is to keep a secret, especially if the secret is damaging. Caution is therefore advisable. When you think you are leading a double life, it may suddenly transpire that the double life is leading you. WALTON: Alfie says he married a rich woman in order that his wife might have everything she wanted. ‘The Truth at Last AN EXTRACT FROM MARTHA WASHINGTON’S DIARY EB, 22, 1772. A grate Company of Guests assembled at Mt Vernon to celebrate Gen! Washington's Birth- daye. In the Morning the Gentlemenn went a Fox hunting, but their Sport was marred by the Pertinacity of some Motion Picture menn who persewd them to take Fillums and catchd the General falling off his Horse at a Ditch. In the Evening some of the Companye tooke Occasion to rally the General upon the old Fable of the Cherrye Tree, web hath ever been imputed an Evidence of hys exceeding Veracity, though to saye sooth I never did believe the legend my self. “ Well,” sayes the General with a Twinkle, “it wolde not be Politick to denye a Romance we is soe profitable to my Reputation, but to be Candid, Gentlemenn, I have no certain recollection of the Affaire. My Brother Lawrence was wont to say that the Tree or Shrubb in question was no Cherrye but a Bitter Persimmon; more- over he told me that I stoutly denyed any Attacke upon it; but being caught with the Goods (as Plato saith) I was soundly Flogged, and walked stiffly for three dayes.” 1 was glad to heare the Truth in this matter as I have never seen any Corroboration of this surpassing Virtue in George's private Life. The evening broke up in some Disorder as Col Fairfax and others hadd Drunk too freely of the Cock’s Taile as they dub the new and very biting Toddy introduced by the military. Wee hadd to call a chirurgeon to lett Blood for some of the Guests before they coulde be gott to Bedd, whither they were conveyed on stretchers. Christopher Morley, Servants’ Manual GEEAK to your mistress considerately. has feelings just like you. Do not be too obsequious near Christmas time. It will be noticed and your bonus will lose some of its weight. Your employer is entitled to at least a day’s notice when you are going to leave. It will require at least that time to gather up what you want. Always be careful to apologize for a mistake. You can then make many with impunity. Restrain your anger when accused of a misdeed or a stupid action. Dignity rules with a glance. And, above all, always find out why the last servant left. It is your most deadly weapon. Remember she Benjamin De Casseres. One Way to Advertise ILLIS: So your Chamber of Commerce is going to put your town on the map! No doubt you will get some large manufacturing plant to locate here. Gituis: No; we are going to persuade some well-known prize-fighter to be born here. APAM (after a long silence): Say, Eve, can’t you say something? It’s dull here with a dumb wife. Eve: What's a woman to talk about, with no clothes and no servants? comicbooks.com