Life, 1917-02-15 · page 16 of 42
Life — February 15, 1917 — page 16: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains early 20th-century American satire, likely from WWI era based on references to "Kaiser Bill." **"Vale Diabole"** is a poem mocking the Devil's obsolescence. A recent church conference decided to remove Satan from ritual, prompting this farewell. The satire suggests the Devil has been "fired" because modern warfare—specifically German "Kultur" and the Kaiser's brutality—has superseded even Hell's wickedness. The cartoon shows the Devil being dismissed. The poem's ironic conclusion credits Satan with at least maintaining gentlemanly honor, unlike the Kaiser. **"Mr. Wilson's Real Job"** satirizes President Woodrow Wilson as too idealistic for practical governance. The author mocks Wilson's universalist speeches while criticizing his failure to address domestic military readiness, naval strength, and labor disputes. It suggests Wilson is better suited to abstract positions like "President of the United States of the World" than actual American leadership. **"Investigations"** critiques Congress for endlessly launching inquiries without reaching conclusions—a tactic to avoid making decisions. The remaining sections announce format changes to *The Outlook* magazine and list superstitions.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Vale Diabole Ata recent church conference it was decided to drop the devil from the ritual, ELL! Well! so you've been fired, You've lost your job at last. It’s high time you retired, Old Boy, you're failing fast. You're getting old, you know it; You are not in the race. Admit you cannot go it, The killing, modern pace. Your methods are too dull for The modern school of Hate, Your lake of burning sulphur Is sadly out of date. The Hohenzollern’s Kultur Mocks at your fiery pits, “ERE * His double-headed vulture Has put yours on the fritz. Beside the fierce, blaspheming, Mail-fisted Kaiser Bill, You are a seraph beaming, An angel of good-will. But tho’ we can’t deny, sir, You're hopelessly outclassed, You've one thing on the Kaiser, Which is, tho’ first and last A failure as a devil, Yet boast of this you can: You were always on the level— And—you are a gentleman! O. H. Mr. Wilson’s Real Job HE world at large is more for- tunate in the possession of Wood- row Wilson than is the United States of America. Mr. Wilson is a uni- versalist rather than a patriot. His recent speech to the Senate proves that fact. It was a beautiful human docu- ment; but it will hardly serve as a political panacea for our domestic ills. It will not stretch an army of thirty thousand regulars into a necessary one million, for instance, nor lay indispensa- ble keels for the navy, nor protect our manufacturers against foreign inva- sion, nor settle the dispute between capital and labor. Mr. Wilson has not yet attained his real place in public affairs. He ought to be Executive Emeritus of Hu- manity, or Special Counsel to the Universe, or Lord High Physician to a Sick World. Anything short of that would—nay, does !—waste his abilities, dissipate his talents. Perhaps in suggesting a world em- pire Mr. Wilson was looking forward to his real job. Perhaps he was plan- ning for the one position to which his genius entitkes him. Happy day for mankind when Woodrow Wilson is named President of the United States of the World! Dz. B. Investigations Alt ye who wish to spend your lives bustling around, but accom- plishing nothing, look upon the way of Congress and be wise. More partic- ularly, ponder well their aptitude for investigations, The best way in the world to avoid coming to a decision is to investigate. To investigate proper- ly requires time, and in a country as large as this, and as fickle as this, people are thinking of something else long before the investigation is com- plete and therefore it is unnecessary to do anything at all except to start an- other investigation into some other matter, Investigation is the thief of time. A Bigger and Better Outlook THE Outlook has spread itself, and is now two inches wider and two inches taller than it was, and looks more like a weekly paper, and not so much like a magazine. It opens better than it did, because its binding wires come through the back like Lire’s, and no longer bite into its margins. Bind- ing wires that clamp pages together are a perfect device to scare off read- ers. They should not be tolerated. In its new form the Outlook has more room for pictures, and may in- tend ‘to bid far the place left vacant in the periodical world by the recent interment of //arper’s Weekly, Per- haps, presently, it will have a picture on its cover, and go in for cartoons and such adventures. Good luck, Outlook! Be great as well as good, and don’t tie up too close to active statesmen, Superstitious Don'ts ON’T look at a mirror until it breaks. Don’t walk under a falling safe. Don’t throw soup over your left shoul- der. Don’t put on your shirt upside down. Don’t look at the old moon over your right foot. Don't get out of bed at the wrong hour. Don’t turn your umbrella inside out. Don’t lose thirteen dollars at bridge. Don't get married (on Friday). Don't lead a funeral procession. 'HE telescope is the instrument for lovers; the microscope for those who seek a divorce. comicbooks.com