Life, 1917-02-01 · page 16 of 40
Life — February 1, 1917 — page 16: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
**"A Very Simple Matter"** satirizes stock market speculation, likely during the 1910s Wilson era. The text mockingly walks a novice investor through losing money: buy stock on a broker's worthless "tip," watch it fluctuate wildly based on absurd reasons (President Wilson changing breakfast cereal brands), follow contradictory broker advice, and end with $6.80 remaining from a $6,080 investment. The humor lies in the relentless cycle of poor decision-making and the broker's absurd explanations for market movements. **The cartoon below** shows a burglar at a window saying he's struggling "to get enough money t' be married on"—commenting that crime barely pays, mirroring the article's theme that ordinary people lose money through various schemes. **"A Suggestion for Economy"** features a child asking his father why he can't eliminate the "middleman" (the doctor) and handle childbirth directly, sarcastically suggesting that medical costs for each new baby (one hundred dollars) could be avoided. The joke critiques both unnecessary expenses and naive cost-cutting logic.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“BUF E~ A Very Simple Matter HeMorists are sadly neglecting the stock market in their paragraphs. Perhaps they think the stock mar- ket is not humorous. If so, a little experience will quickly convince, To acquire the experience, visit a stock broker. It mat- ters not which one. Each will furnish you with a proper experience for your humor. Ask the broker to give you a tip. He will at once gi you several. They cost him nothing, and are worth noth- ing. If they did, or were, he wouldn't give them to you. Next produce your check book and write out a check large enough to margin yourself for a generous block of the particular stock selected. You will be pleased to note, presently, that the stock has gone up a point and a half. This will convince you that you made no mistake in pur- chasing, so light a cigar and pass out. Upon returning in an hour and a half you will be both pained and surprised to note that your stock has gone down seventeen points. The broker will explain that this was due to the fact that President Wilson has decided to change the brand of his breakfast food. The broker will then advise you to close out your stock and go short an equal amount. You will have a feeling that you have already gone short about as much as you care to, but, acting literally upon this new tip, you sell your stock, as well as another block of equal size, and prepare to reap your profit from the Burglar (after two hours): aN’ were | AM, RISKI LIFE TRYIN’ T’ GET ENOUGH MONEY 1’ BE MARRIED ON! ONLY BUBBLES decline. The continued fall of the stock for a point and a half more will assure you that it was merely a case of getting in wrong the first time, so light a cigar and pass out. Upon returning in an hour and a half you will be pained and surprised, once more, to note that your stock has climbed seventeen po'nts above the original price that you purchased it for on your first transaction. The broker, however, will explain, quite pleasantly, that this was due to the fact that President Wilson decided, after all, not to change the brand of his breakfast food. The broker will then advise you to cover. You will have a feeling that you have already been pretty thoroughly covered, but, acting literally upon the broker's advice once more, you clear yourself from the stock market and receive back six dollars and eighty cents balance from your original six thousand and eighty dollars. This should be paid to your landlady. You now have a very fair idea of how humorous the stock market really is, and should be able to produce some exceedingly witty little stories. If, however, you require a second lesson any stock broker will be pleased to give it to you as soon as you acquire some more mon William Sanford. A Suggestion for Economy APA WILLI No, Willie, papa can’t afford to give you any money for candy. Papa's expenses have been very heavy lately. You know, every time the stork brings you a new baby brother it costs papa a hundred dollars. Wie Wiis: Huh! Say, pop, why can’t you cut out this middleman of a doctor and do business direct? comicbooks.com