Life — January 25, 1917 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

a “DEE The Ego AN Ego is a thing which you carry around with you all the time and cannot get rid of. It was first dis- covered by a philosopher who had nothing better to do. It is now used extensively by psychologists and sociologists. The Ego wears no clothes and moves restlessly around inside of you, and if you are a sentient being, whatever that may be, endeavors to make things as uncomfortable for you as possible. The more you expostulate with him, or attempt to reason with him, the worse he is likely to be- come, unless scientific measures are taken to keep him in his place. Some people are not aware that they have an Ego, and are correspondingly haughty about it, but that is only be- cause they are ignorant of the higher education. Egos are being used more and more, and soon no home will be complete without a set of them. You cannot begin too soon in training your Ego, other- wise he may get away from you. Classes in when-to-tell- the-Ego are now in order everywhere. The national American Ego was born in Concord, Mass., but afterwards lived in Boston, where he has since made his headquarters. He has, however, been seen as far west as Kansas and as far south as Louisville, Ky. where he was handsomely entertained by Colonel Henry Wat- terson, Great care should be taken with your Ego, not to excite him unduly. He should be fed on simple, wholesome thoughts until he can run around by himself. If you treat him right and keep him under, in middle age you will be able to listen to a baseball game or lose money at a one- night poker-stand without having him interrupt you by any of his subconscious college cries, “THE old lady has named me as her heir.” “But she’s named me as her lawyer.” “WHAT IS YOUR CALF MEASUREMENT?” “sir!” “BUT, MADAM NUMBER FOURS COME IN TEN CALF SIZES.” “THERE! WHAT'D I TELL YA, PERCY? YOU CAN’T HIT NUTHIN’.” The Reason LLIS: What is a “coming-out party”? Guus: It always looked to me like a desperate at- tempt on the part of society people to make children fash- ionable. Learning to Live ‘OU can’t learn to live. All you can do is to keep on learning to live. That is because at each particular age we must live in a different way on account of the new conditions in which we find our constitutions. A young baby, having mastered all the intricacies of nursing bottle and rubber nipple, may thrive and be happy, but that only proves that it has learned to live with respect to that par- ticular period of its existence. As it continues year after year in the school of life, it will have to change its diet many times. Never at any time would it be proper to hand you a diploma certifying that you have learned how to live. You graduate from the school of life only at the grave, and then the only thing that can be safely asserted is that you have learned how to die. Preferred Risk “WHat have automobiles got to do with life insur- ance?” “If you own a car,” replied the solicitor, “the premium is less, for there isn’t the danger of being run over by one, E.0. J. comicbooks.com