Life — December 28, 1916 — page 38: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“LIFE =F — The Perfect Dress Tie The The With The Bufton-OnTabs orWhite.Madein many shapes. oSS5 KEYS & LOCKWOOD New York Shocking! GAYS Jones. “Miss Rocks is anite a swell— She wears her frocks extremely well.” I didn’t know it,” Brown confessed, “L never saw her save undressed.” Dear reader, don't give way to wrath— Brown was the lady's osteopath ! She sinks into a gentle sleep. The watching ruffians nearer ercep ; One stretches out a muscled paw, And grabs the lady by the jaw! Pray, don’t unduly nervous be— A clinic ‘twas, in dentistry. He bends the knee with ardor bold; She gazes down, aloof and cold. He jabs her with a cruel knife; She smiles, nor begs shim for her life. Now, lest this scene your feelings twist, He was the dame’s chiropodist. The dainty vision stood at bay! A brutal ruffian barred the way. He paused with evil look to gloat Upon the jewels at her throat. He was—his task he could not shirk !— A customs officer at work. C. Hilton-Turvey. “AW, SAY, BILL, DON'T SCARE HIM ANY MORE—IIE'S AS PALE AS A GHOST Now.” Styles in Fat Ladies 'AT ladies are still quite popular, and take up a lot of space in the public eye. By their waist lines ye shall know them. Fat ladies come in all sizes, young and old, rich and poor. A pleasant variety is the fat lady who declares that she doesn’t believe in dieting, as it interferes with one’s health. Romantic fat ladies continue to be en regle in all select circles. Making love to them is usually attended by large returns, ees MACBETH was walking in her sleep. The family physician observed her and then reported to the king that she was worried because she had neglected to order her copy of Lire from the newsdealer and feared he would be sold out. Amusing women read VANITY FAIR because it keeps them au courant of all the things one talks about— the gossip of the theatre and opera—the new movements in arts and letters—the latest in sports and salons—the smartest in dogs and motors—the gayest in dances and fashions—the latest tip on where to dine, to dance, to drop in for cigarettes, coffee and celebrities. Clever men read VANITY FAIR because it knows the world, and loves it, and laughs at it. Because it is too witty to be foolish and altogether too wise to be wise. Because it isn’t afraid to buy the best work of our young writers, artists and dramatists. And because it prints such adorable pictures of Mrs. Vernon Castle. The most successful of the new magazines ‘Take your favorite theatrical magazine; add your favorite humorous periodical; stir in The Sketch and The Tatler of London; pour in one or two reviews of modern art; sprinkle with a few indoor dances and outdoor sports; dash with a French flavoring; mix in a hundred or so photographs, portraits, and sketches; add a dozen useful departments; throw in a magazine of fashion and one of literature; season with the fripperies and vanities of New York—and you will have VANITY FAIR. If you would be “in the movement” dance the newest.dance a month before it becomes popular; dine in Bohemia before it realizes it is Bohemia and charges admission ; know what to see at the theatre, hear at the opera, buy at the bookshop, and on no account miss at the galleries—fill in and send in the coupon for six months of VANITY FAIR, at $1. Just Say to Yourself “Loire it to my family and friends to gotiuough life with my mind open; to keep my sympathies warm: to ree main in consiant touch with the news txt and liveliest influences in life. T scon’t be stodgy! I won't be provin- cial!’ I refuse to become—swhether intellectually oF socially —a blight at Luncheon. I won'thill@ dinner party stone dead ten minutes before the ‘entree. Therefore. I will riska single dollar and subscribe to Vanity Fair. 25 centsacopy $3 ayear Condé Nast, Publisher Frank Crowninshield, Editor PETER J, CARLY, PRINTER comicbooks.com