Life, 1916-12-07 · page 54 of 94
Life — December 7, 1916 — page 54: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains a humorous narrative essay (left column) about the author hiring a tradesman to lay linoleum, combined with a satirical illustration series (right side) titled "Christmas Gifts They Never Get." The essay depicts the author's resourcefulness in getting free labor by repeatedly offering the worker drinks and flattery, gradually expanding the job from simple linoleum-laying to removing carpet—a comedic commentary on manipulation and class dynamics. The accompanying cartoons mock the gap between what family members *want* and what they actually *receive* as Christmas gifts: - **Dad** receives only an egg instead of one million dollars - **Sister** gets limited credit instead of unlimited - **Fido** (dog) gets meat scraps instead of quality food - **Kitty** (cat) receives milk instead of the luxuries depicted The satire critiques consumer desires and the modest reality of holiday gift-giving, likely resonating during a period of economic constraint (possibly post-WWI era, given Life's 1920s satirical style).
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
1034 sion is unacquainted with the dimen- sions of an ordinary smoking-room floor?” This obviously took him by surprise. “They vary,” he said in an apologetic tone. “Perhaps it will be as well for me to send a man round to take the measurements.” s you will,” I answered; “only, if you must do so, send him at once. I particularly want the linoleum by two o'clock.” “You shall have it, sir,” he said. He was as good as his word. In an incredibly short time his emissary had come and measured the floor, and by 1:45 had returned with) three large rolls of linoleum, I sat in an ‘easy chair and watched him deposit them side by side on the carpet, which T had omitted to take up. “Ts that all?” I asked, as I saw him preparing to take his departure. “That's the lot, sir,” he replied, cheerfully, A sense of desolation seized me. I am not a timid man, but this was the first time in my life that I had been left absolutely alone with three uncut rolls of linoleum. “It is a hot day,” I said. “ Won't you sit down and have something to drink before you go?” He assented gratefully, and I rang for bottled ale. He finished it almost at once and rose to his feet. But I was ready for him. “Now you are here,” I suggested, “ perhaps you would be good enough to help me get the carpet up?” He agreed to do so. Five minutes later the room was cleared for action. I rang for a second bottle of ale. “T suppose,” I said, “you have been laying linoleum all your life?” “Practically from the cradle,” he answered, smiling at me over his glass. “It is a wonderful accomplishment. Now tell me, if you were in my shoes, attempting it for the first time, how would you begin?” He absorbed the remainder of his beer and stood up. “ Shall I show you, sir?” “Do,” I said, sinking back in my chair, It was delightful to watch him. He worked so easily, so gracefully, with such an air of knowing exactly what he wanted to do and how to do it! His cutting out was wonderful, and Christmas Life d 1D: bs. MEAT FoR F(DO ————— AS Site FOR KITTY CHRISTMAS GIFTS THEY NEVER GET comicbooks.com