Life, 1916-12-07 · page 44 of 94
Life — December 7, 1916 — page 44: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Life* magazine presents satirical content about Christmas shopping and masculine virtue, aimed at early 20th-century readers. **"The Man Worth Knowing"** is a poem by Christopher Morley celebrating ordinary working men—particularly one who kindly strokes a frozen horse's nose during winter. The satire lies in elevating such humble decency over wealth or status, mocking society's usual markers of admiration. **"Schedule of a Married Man's Pre-Christmas Activities"** is humorous social commentary on male incompetence and procrastination. The joke follows a husband's predictable December spiral: ignoring early shopping advice, vacillating on his wife's gift budget (adding and subtracting twenty dollars), complaining about crowds while causing them, and ultimately buying worthless items (a necktie for his father-in-law, duplicate work-bags). The satire ridicules both masculine anxiety about gift-giving and the commercial Christmas season's mounting stress. For modern readers, it's notable that the wife handles purchasing for twenty-two relatives while the husband fumbles—reflecting 1920s gender roles where women managed social obligations.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Christmas Life Tye Man TWlorty Knowing HERE are many pleasant people Whom one would like to know: iditors and barbers And men who shovel snow ; There are laymen, there are draymen, But the ones I like to meet Are the men who pat the horses When they pass them on the street, It's jolly, on the Avenue, To bow and raise your hat To someone so distinguished That your comrade says, “ Who's that?” But the man I really honor When the stinging north wind blows Is the one who always stops to stroke Some horse’s frozen nose. Christopher Morley. Schedule of a Married Man’s Pre-Christmas Activities RIDAY, December 1—Peruse a “Do Your Christmas Shopping Early” plea, and agree with the sen- timents. Saturday, December 2—Start a shop- ping list and stop after writing the word “book” opposite the name of the brother-in-law who usually gives you a book. Sunday, December 3—Express un- bounded loathing and contempt for the persons who wait until the last minute before doing their Christmas shopping. Monday, December 4—Wonder what you can give your pretty cousin who has everything she needs. Tuesday, December 5—Figure up how much you can afford to spend on your wife's present. Wednesday, December 6—Go over figures on wife's present and deduct ten dollars. Thursday, December 7—Kick your- self for being penurious, and add twenty dollars to figures on wife's pres- ent. Friday, December 8—Look in two stores for wife's gift, but get nothing except tired feet, a lame back and a grouch: Saturday, December 9—Reckon up the number of shopping days remaining before Christmas, and find with some relief that there are twelve. Determine to do your Christmas shopping early. Sunday, December 10—Read_ news- paper articles about the overworked shopgirl, and curse the brutes who wait until the last minute. Monday, December 11—Visit stores, determined to buy cighteen or twenty presents, including one for your wife. Come home with a very bad case of nerves and one two-dollar necktie for your wife's fatler. Tuesday, December 12—Deliver sev- eral heated lectures to acquaintances on the folly of giving Christmas pres- ents, Wednesday, December 13—Give wife a cheque with which to purchase gifts for twenty-two of your relatives. Thursday, December 14—Discuss with your wife the amount of largess to be given to the postman, janitor, maid, cook, washwoman, elevator boy and office boy. Friday, December 13—Get a cottony feeling in your mouth trying to decide whether or not your wife will like the present you are thinking of buying her. Decide that you'd better give her some- thing else. Saturday, December 16—' jewelry store with the idea of asking a salesman's advice on what your wife would like, and get in the way of cighty customers, who walk on your feet. Sunday, December 17—Swear be- cause the stores aren't open on Sun- day. Monday, December 18—Decide not to do any shopping on Monday be- cause of the large Monday crowds. Tuesday, December 19—Remember that you have no presents for anyone except your wife’s father and, panic- stricken, rush to town to buy presents. Fail to find anything that anyone would like, except a work-bag for your favorite niece. Wednesday, December 20—On learn- ing from your wife that your favor- ite niece has three work-bags, declare in disgust that you won't give anything but Christmas cards, and that there's plenty of time left in which to buy presents, anyway. Make out a list, showing how much money you are will- ing to spend on each person. Thursday, December 21—Buy fifty Christmas cards, and then discover that you can think of only twenty- eight people to send them to. Do up presents with your wife. Friday, December 22—Rush to town to do your Christmas shopping early, before the Saturday rush sets in. Buy fourteen presents that you don’t want to buy, paying fifty per cent. more for each than you said you'd pay. Go home on the verge of a nervous break- down. Do up presents. Saturday, December 23—Remember seventeen people for whom you should have bought presents. Make a final despairing effort to think what to buy your wife. Fail miserably. Give your wife a cheque with which to buy your seventeen presents. Write a cheque as a present for your wife. Do up pres- ents. Sunday, December 24—Tear up cheque for wife and write a larger one. Figure up your expenditures, and won- der whether you will be able to pay your Christmas bills by July. Do up presents and go to bed at two a. M. with a sick headache and a stern de- termination that next year shall be different. K. L. Roberts. b | ¢ comicbooks.com