Life — November 9, 1916 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Unanswerable Argument “T tell you," said Pat, “the ould fri'nds are the best, after all, and, what's more, I can prove it.” “ How are you goin’ to prove it?” “Where will you find a new fri'nd that has shtud by ye as long as the ould ones have? ers. A coLoxen auntie was taking her first ride on a fast train when it jumped the track and plunged headlong into the ditch. After the crash “auntie” picked herself up and began munching a chicken wing she had brought along for susten- ance. The conductor hurried up to ascer- tain the damage. “Were you hurt in the smashup?” he asked, excitedly. “Law, no!” she replied in astonish- ment. ‘Wuz there a smashup? I to’t dese yere combustifications went right along wif de ticket."—Argonaut. 2AUT SCISSORS She: PRAY, Sik, DON'T EXPLAIN—I'M THE LADY IN THE FASHION MAGAZINES AND YOU'RE THE ARSENT-MINDED PROFESSOR, “Who is this Gargantua just coming in “That's Fatleigh, who is always brag- ging about being a self-made man.” “Gee whiz! He looks more like he was built by a construction company.” —Boston Transcript. Jeems Henry Was Conjured! “Mars John,” excitedly exclaimed Aunt Tildy, as she pantingly rushed into a fire-engine house, “please, suh, phon- ograph to de car-cleaners’ semporium an’ notify Dan'l to emergrate home diurgent- ly, kaze Jeems Henry sho’ done bin con- jured! Doctor Cutter done already dis- tracted two blood-vultures from his ‘pen- dercitis, an’ I lef’ him now prezaminatin’ de chile’s ante-bellum fur de germans ob de neuro-plumonia, which ef he's dis- infected wid, dey gotter ‘noculate him wid the ice-coldlated quarantimes—but I bllieves it’s conjuration!” —Richmond Times-Dispatch. “Isn't you-all’s paw afraid de neigh- bors’ chickens will git into your garden “No,” replied Miss Miami Brown. “Dat's what paw broke up de ground an’ scattered de seeds around foh.” —Washington Star. Osserver: I noticed you got up and gave that lady your seat in the street car the other day. Oxserven: Since childhood I have re- spected a woman with a strap in her hand.—Pennsylvania Punch Bowl. Lire is published every Thursday, simultaneously in the United States, Great Britain, Canada and British Possessions, Title registered in U. S. Patent Office. $5.00 a year in advance. Additional postage to foreign countries in the Postal Union, $1.04 a year; to Canada, 52 cents, Single current copies, 10 cents. Back numbers, after three months from date of publication, 25 cents. Issues prior to 1910 out of print. The text and illustrations in Live are copyrighted, For Reprint Rights in Great Britain opply to Live, Rolls House, Breams Buildings, Fetter Lane, London, E. C., England. Lire is for sale by all newsdealers in Great Britain and may be obtained from book sellers in all the principal cities in the worl he foreign trade supplied from Lire’s London Office, Rolls House, Breams Buildings, London, E. C. No contribution will be returned unless accompanied by stamped and addressed envelope. Live does not hold itself responsible for the loss or non-return of unso- licited contributions, Notice of change of address should reach this office ten days prior to the date of to be affected. | Wl! Your Fill your glass with the juice of the grape, transformed by time and skill into bubbles. and bouquet a. the very essence of perfection in purity, flavor and life. Sold everywhere— Served everywhere AMERICAN WINE CO. ST. LOUIS, U.S.A.