Life, 1916-10-12 · page 6 of 44
Life — October 12, 1916 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains a humorous poem titled "Omnia Vanitas" (Latin: "All is Vanity") by F.G. Hartwick, accompanied by an illustration of a hanged ostrich. The poem satirizes human pretension through a narrative featuring prehistoric dinosaurs and early humans. It mocks various character types: a stoic philosopher, a self-made man, and an aspiring poet—all ultimately reduced to insignificance. The hanged ostrich illustration serves as dark visual commentary on the poem's theme that all ambitions and achievements are ultimately futile. The page concludes with a brief dialogue titled "What She Heard," where a visitor asks Mrs. Maloney about hearing detonations, likely referencing industrial explosions—a topical urban hazard of the period. The overall message critiques human vanity and the illusion of progress.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
LAFE * Omnia Vanitas WHERE the pterodactyl tarried on the prehistoric plains, And the plesiosaur was dining on the mastodon’s remains, Lay the one original stoic in his cavern mesozoic, Saying, “Nothing can unhinge me, though the weather freeze or singe me, Iam stoic, I am calm; my remains they will embalm ; 1 have founded a new cult.” only known result Was, he stoically stuck there, history's pages to embellish, And a dinosaurus used him for a relish. But the In a neolithic hillside, by the carbonif- erous wave, Was a pile of branches, lying in a dark and drafty cave, Where the one primordial cynic on his feelings held a clinic, Saying, “ All my thoughts I analyze; this life is merely banal lies, I sneer at all creation; ‘tis not worth consideration ; All the universe I flout.” Just to prove it he went out, Sneering cruelly at nature; but he heard a sudden swoop, And he merely served the dinosaur Yor soup. Ly a fire in a forest, in a shady fern- tree glade, Hacking at a greasy ham-bone with a flint-knife he had made, Sat the primal Epicurus, chewing hard on caro durus, Saying, “Life’s main end is pleasure; let me have it in full measure; Here I am, and here I stay; I shall live but for to-day; Naught can worry or derange me; I defy the earth to change me.” But the dinosaur came ambling through the forest, dark and dim, And he quickly made a fish course out of him. In a well-appointed cavern, lined with cringing rows of slaves And with lots of secret entrances to hidden treasure-caves, Sat the first-known self-made ‘neath a serf-swung palm-leaf fan, Saying, “ Debtors still defy me, think to slip by some means by me; Well, I'm old and somewhat portly, but I'll foreclose on them shortly; T shall man, I'm the greatest of my time! live in prose and rhyme.” But our hungry dinosaurus passed and heard his little boast, And immediately used him for the roast. Near a slab of ancient granite, carving lines in hieroglyphic, Writing triolets and rondeaux with a rhyme scheme most terrific, Crouched a lone primeval poet, wishing all the world to know it, Saying, “ Nobly shall I sing, so that all the world shall ring, I shall write an epic poem; I'll convince the folks, I'll show ‘em What a wondrous man am I!" our old friend happened by, And before the rhymer settled on the metre for his ballad, He was simply doing duty as a salad. But In a comfortable hollow on a shingly hill of shale, Where the tropic sun was tempered by the neolithic gale, Lay our dinosaur, nothing more to eat, Saying, “ Nature is my larder; I have learned to so regard her I have eaten famous men; I shall do replete, wishing the same again.” But there came, his peace to vex, a tyrannosaurus rex, And before our bloated dinosaur could save himself from hurt, He was just tyrannosaurus’s dessert. F.G. Hartswick, “DEAR ME! I HOPE THE LIGHTS 1 HAD FOR LUNCH.” What She Heard ISITOR: When the explosion oc- cured did you hear the detona- tions? Mrs. Matoney: No; shure if there were iny they were drownded out by the sound av the dynamite going off. comichooks,