Life — September 21, 1916 — page 32: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SASSOR OreTe? A Scottish minister, taking his walk early in the morning, found one of his parishioners recumbent in a ditch. “Where hae ye been the nicht, An- drew?” asked the minister. “Weel, I dinna richtly ken,” answered the prostrate one, “whether it was a wedding or a funeral, but whichever it it was a most extraordinary suc- Tit-Bits, The Principle Involved Knicker: Railroad men are demand- ing an eight-hour day. Bockrr: Suppose stockholders only consented to hold stock eight hours? —The Sun, Littie Mitte (whose Republican father and grandfather have spoken freely of the Democratic party): Oh, mama, I'm afraid to go to bed! I'm afraid there is a Democrat in the closet. ° “MADAM! NONE OF THAT ‘KUCHEE-KUCHEE’ BUS cerybody's. NESS—IT'S UNDIGNIFIED, AND I DON'T LIke IT! Humoring Him In carrying on diplomatic relations with Germany President Wilson humors Germany as the wife humored the hus- band who didn’t get home from. his lodge’s annual banquet till four o'clock in the morning. The banqueter let himself in noisily, and then he began to growl and swear at a fearful rate down in the hall. “What's the matter?” called his wife. “Matter ish,” the banqueter called back, “there's two hat-racks down here, and I—hic—dunno which t'hang my hat on!” His wife laughed, and said in soothing tones: “But, dear, you've got two hats, haven't you? Hang one on each rack and come on up to bed. I know you're tired."—London Opinion. No Grounds for Complaint Orrtcer: I don't know why the men grumble. This soup is really excellent. Serceant: They wouldn't grumble, sir, if the cook would admit it is soup. He insists that it is coffee!""—Bystander. Cup (in swimming): Doesn't it make the fish awfully cross, us washing in their water?—London Opinion. Lire is published every Thursday, simultaneously in the United States, Great Britain, Canada and British Possessions. "$s.oo a year in advance, Additional postage to foreign countries in the Postal Union, $1.04 a year; to Canada, s2 cents, Single cur- rent copies, 10 cents. Back numbers, after three months from date of publication, 25,cents, Issues prior to 1910 out of ‘print, The text and ilustrations in Lave are copyrighted. For Reprint Rights in Great Britain apply to Live, Rolls House, Breams Buildings, Fetter Lane, London, E. C., England. House, Breams Buildings, London, E. No contribution will be returned unless accompanied by stampe Lire docs not hold itself responsible for the lois or non-return of unix licited contributions. Prompt notifca Live is for sale by all newsdealers in Great Britain and may be obtained from boot- sellers in all the principal cities in the world. Live's London Office, R should be sent by subscribers of any change of address. Se enthusiasm for emer SPARKLING TABLE WATER Fora higheclass Hig i- MERICAN epicures have always {7° ASPERRIEK preferred the famous French vintages ; they now equally prefer the famous French water, Perrier the water whose brilliance and captivating delicacy are as natural as the bloom upon the purple cluster. Perrier is bottled at the Springs in the South of France amidst the glorious French vineyards. Obtainable at all high-class Hotels, Restaurants and Grocers. Peanier, Lp. SIS Longacre Bldg. SudWins with its Cor. Broadway & 424 St.. New York. oon carbonit ras, WITH EVERY BREATH—ACCORDING TO The foreign trade supplied fro d and addressed