Life, 1916-08-24 · page 16 of 42
Life — August 24, 1916 — page 16: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three distinct satirical pieces: **"In Defense of Children"** (top): A humorous poem by Arthur Guiterman defends children's table manners, sarcastically noting that he's never known a child to eat porridge with a fork or ice-cream with a knife—implying parents' complaints about rudeness are exaggerated. **"Mrs. Willis" dialogue** (middle): A domestic comedy where Mrs. Willis dismisses political campaign platforms by comparing them to hiring servants' recommendations, implying both are unreliable. This satirizes the hollow nature of political promises. **"A Close Call" (bottom cartoon)**: A mosquito and presumably a German soldier discuss abandoning position because "that pesky German seems to be getting the range." This appears to reference World War I combat, using insect characters for humorous effect. **"An Invention of Questionable Value"** (right): Sarcastically attacks a Milwaukee inventor's push-button Congressional voting device, arguing that Congress would waste the time saved on wasteful spending and pork-barrel legislation rather than productive work.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
312 In Defense of Children HOUGH parents think their chil- dren rude, Especially about their food, And call their table manners low, I really have not found them so. 1 never yet have known a boy, From Skaneateles to Troy, From Sacramento to New York, Who took his porridge with a fork; Nor any girl beneath the moon Who managed mince-pie with a spoon ; Nor any child, in all my life, That ate its ice-cream with a knife! Arthur Guiterman, RS, WILLIS: What is all this po- litical talk about? Me. Wiis: I’m surprised at your ignorance. They are electing a Presi- dent, a servant of the people. This platform that you hear about is a list of his recommendations. Would you care to read it? ‘ Mrs. Wittts: No, thanks. When you have had as much experience hir- ing servants as I have, you'll know just about how much the average recom- mendation is worth. A CLOSE CALL Mr. Mosquito: Gre, BILL! 1 GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO ABANDON THIS POSITION, THAT PESKY GERMAN SEEMS TO BE GETTING THE RANGE, o' tH’ Neck! An Invention of Questionable Value A MILWAUKEE inventor has invented a push-button device to record ayes and noes at roll-call; and he claims that Congress can save two months per session by making use of his invention. Such a statement comes perilously near to being a good reason why the nation will never consent to allow Congress to adopt this push-button device. In the two months which Congress saved by such means, it would find opportunity to spoil hundreds of extra sheets of expensive white paper in the Congressional Rec- ord, waste many more millions of the nation’s money in authorizing marble court houses for unpainted pine vil- lages on the sun-baked prairies, disseminate oppressive quantities of hot air, antagonize ral more foreign nations by ignorant and asinine legislation, and display its lack of patriotism by sidetracking bills for national de- fense in order to obtain an uninterrupted opportunity to wallow in the pork barrel. If the Milwaukee inventor wishes to become wealthy on his push-button invention, he should be more guarded in his claims.