Life — August 17, 1916 — page 33: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Little Speeches for Great - Occasions (Upon being elected President of the United States) Y COUNTRYMEN: In this solemn moment I realize, as I have never realized before, how it pays a man al: ways to be regular, to conform, to put his party aboye all things in heaven and earth. Iam no more fitted to be Presi- dent than hundreds of other men; but I have stuck to the party, whereas my de- feated rivals have merely stuck to their principles, or, worse yet, to a minority party, T have a genuine kindly feeling toward the people, and would like to do some- s ) 4 4 ON thing to help them. But it would be dis- : honest’ for’ nic’ to promise: them’ auy real *.... not the least of the farewell tokens given me, was reforms. I must please Wall Street and ci packet of cigcretes # Ppa ol Verein sobre aek the Capitalists first, last and always. I is so highly esteem ges must, in every case, maintain the Status oo. . Quo, To change is to risk great invest- Originally made for the gentlemen of Virginia, Richmond Straight ments. But I pledge: myself unequive- Cot Cigarettes were first brought north by friends from the cally to open the baseball season each ° . year of my term, by hurling, with my south. Today they are known in every state in the Union as the own band, the ball into the diamond,’ The one cigarette which has always retained the quaint old-time delicacy neonte must not expect more of me than of “bright” Virginia tobacco at its best. =e, With the stock market as my barome- — — — ter, big business as my pilot, and the Se ae camencicrcts: | RICHMOND STRAIGHT CUT did, reactionary term, with the distinct i possibility of re-election four years ee hence. I thank you. A country vicar advertised for an Cigarettes “ineligible” to make himself useful, etc, in his grounds and garden. A likely candidate turned up and, after being PLAIN OR CORK TIP questioned upon several points, the vicar Fifteen cents said to him: “You know, we are all vegetarians A i we here, and if I engage you I should like Also in attractive tins, you to conform to our rules, Could 50 for 46 cents: 100 ya” for 75 cents. Sent pre- The applicant entered into a brown cas study, and then at last he replied: paid if your dealer can- “TI think so, sir. But I should like to not supply you. ask an important question first. Do you reckon beer a vegetable? "—Tit-Bits. Me +, RIIRAOND. Necoma EEA PREFERRED BY GENTLEMEN NOW AS THEN A Program for the Churches ROGRAMS for churches, as to what they shall say and do and how they shall conduct themselves generally to end the great war, are now in order. Every self-respecting church that does not wish to do anything dishonorable will, therefore, consider prayer- fully just what it ought to do. The Christian Register offers the following: ne THEY should not dally with insipid apologies and load the crime of nations upon ) the will of God, but they should vindicate the will of God above the wicked subver- 43rd and 44th Sts and Madison Ave. sions of it. They should take the prophet's outlook and keep unswerving the con- The Cascades es that in the end the highest hopes of humanity will conquer. at, in the language of Edna Ferber, is “some program.” But it has merits. It offers 19th Floor —Always Cool nothing new or startling. Vindicating the will of God is a perfectly safe measure and will Most unique dining room in New York undoubtedly be welcomed by all “ sober-minded " and “ right-thinking " people as tending not New decorations and lighting effects in any way to precipitate a crisis. Taking a prophet’s outlook is also good. No harm can Dancing result. On the whole, this program is offered to all doubtful churches in confidence that it Supervision Maurice & Walton meets all requirements as well as they can be expected to be met, considering the circum- stances, comicbooks.com