Life, 1916-05-04 · page 18 of 52
Life — May 4, 1916 — page 18: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three satirical pieces critiquing excessive caution and prohibition: **"The Helpful 'Don't'"** (poem): A nostalgic critique of how authority figures constantly discourage ambition. It invokes Columbus as an example—great achievers succeed *despite* warnings, not because of them. The satire targets the paralyzing effect of constant "don'ts" from parents and elders. **"Progress in New Jersey"**: Sarcastically mocks Assemblyman Dalrymple's child labor bill permitting factory work as "education." The satire is deadpan: if factories educate children, why have schools at all? This exposes the absurdity of disguising labor exploitation as schooling. **"Clubs and Drink"**: The unnamed author argues that prohibiting alcohol from clubs (like Harvard's no-license policy) undermines their viability, drawing a parallel to how women are "necessary" for men. The final cartoon shows shelves of bottles with the caption "Don't begin, young man." All three pieces attack prohibition-era policies and the culture of restriction, written during or shortly after the 1920 implementation of Prohibition in America.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
842 The Helpful “Don’t” REMEMBER, I remember The house where I was born, The little window where the sun Came pceping in at morn, For each time I that window sought, The wondrous world to view, Somebody always hollered: “ Don’t! A fall is tempting you. "Twas ever thus from childhood’s hour-— From wise ones great and small, Each time | sought the broader view There came a warning call. I often hesitated long, In doubt ‘twixt “ will” and “ won't,” But knew just what I wished to do When someone hollered: “ Don't!” I remember, I remember When Columbus wished to sail A lot of people hollered “ Don't!” But all to no avail. How many, many truly great Men would have missed the frontage If they had lacked the wondrous spur Of people in their don'tage! Progress in New Jersey SSEMBLYMAN DALRYMPLE of New Jersey is entitled to credit for a new idea in child labor. He has introduced a bill into the Assembly (No. 302) which, after designating that it shall be lawful for commissioners of education to permit children over four- teen to work in factories, workshops mills, etc., goes on to say: The said children to be employed part time in a factory, workshop or mill designated by the board of edu- igét it tied AS HE LOOKS cation, said employment to be con- sidered as part of the schooling of said children, The italics are ours. This is a great idea. Carried to its logical conclusion, if factories are places where the children should be educated, then it becomes only a ques- tion of time when our school system could be abolished altogether. Think of the saving this would be to the state! Clubs and Drink AMBRIDGE is no-license, and the Harvard Union has to get along without even the milder forms of stim- ulant. It ran behind $6,667.63 this year. TO A CHILD It is no better for clubs to be drink- less than for man to be alone. Drink is a great evil, but it is good for clubs; woman may be a great evil, but she is good for man. Man without her is not a going concern, neither is a club without drink. When woman is abolished man will follow. When drink is abolished clubs will follow. Man and woman are in- separable. So are drink and clubs. Drinkless clubs can be maintained by artificial support, but they are no more self-sustaining than monasteries, which in the end must draw on society for monks if for nothing else. Advice to those who aspire to run a club without drinks— Don't! “DON'T BEGIN, YOUNG MAN. 1T’s NO comicbooks.com