Life, 1916-05-04 · page 14 of 52
Life — May 4, 1916 — page 14: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
**"Don't!!!" Poem** (by W.J. Lampton): A satirical list of restrictive prohibitions—don't drink, eat, smoke, swear, spend money, go places, or pursue desires. The punchline warns that following all these restrictions leads to happiness "by and by" (after death), mocking excessive puritanical moralism and life-denying social rules of the era. **"Coffee and Don'ts" Cartoon**: Shows several men discussing health warnings, with visible text fragments about "poison," "dangerous drug," and "caffeine." This satirizes the proliferation of health scares and dietary restrictions that contradicted each other, creating absurd anxiety among the public. **"Modern Fable"**: A man insures his house but it burns down anyway—a critique of insurance industry deception and false advertising promises of protection.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Don’t!!! ON'T Drink the drinks you want to drink, Nor think the thoughts you want to think! Don’t Eat the food you want to eat, Nor meet the folks you want to meet! Don't Smoke the smokes you want to smoke, Nor joke the jokes you want to joke! Don't Swear the way you want to swear, Nor air the views you want to air! Don't Spend the cash you want to spend, Nor bend the ways you want to bend! Don’t Go the pace you want to go, Nor know the things you want to know! Don't Get the stuff you want to get, Nor bet the wad you want to bet! Don't . See the sights you want to see, Nor be the sort you want to be! Don't Die as you would want to die, And you'll be happy, by and by! W. J. Lampton, “DAPA, will New York ever be finished?” “Not until the Germans come, my boy.” WORSE THAW WHISKEY” paso HERES 4 REASU ZZ» rion’ "We FEIVE" WMIIGE, “CANE tea uSES COFFEE AND DON'TS “DANGEROUS DRIG™ “HALT! WHO GOES THERE?” “| THINK YOU'RE JUST HORRID, 1 TOLD YOU LAST NIGHT I'D NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN, AND NOW YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE ME SAY ‘ FRIEND.” Modern Fable NCE there was a man who, having built a house, started out to have it insured against fire. As he was about to place his insurance a friend came up and said: “Hold on! Let me explain. This is merely a conspiracy on the part of the insurance companies to get you to spend your money, based upon an insidious advertising propa- ganda. Furthermore, if you insure your house, this will make you careless. You light matches and throw them anywhere. Finally, you must trust in God.” Thereupon the man waited a year and a half and thought it over. One day as he was watching his house burn down, he wanted something to cheer him up. Then he sang the following song: Moral “T did not raise my boy to be a soldier.” Wien we see the kind of men that women marry, we are not disposed to be particularly hopeful of the kind of men they will put into office when they get the vote, comicbooks.com