Life — March 16, 1916 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

478 rified at the New Jersey magic which had wrought this hideous miracle. “ Certainly,” eed the Justice with an indulgent smile of straw. “We'll get you deported.” It took four automobiles to trans port Malice to the station; but as soon as she was seated in a west- bound Pullman car, a harsh conductor approached her and asked to look at the tickets. “But there are twenty-four tickets and only one of you,” protested the official, sternly. “I'm a Corporation, you know,” she explained. “In New Jer: passed the Pennsylvania border,” up- spoke a Philadelphia lawyer who had been sitting across the aisle studying heavy book. As though intoning hymn he sang as he conned the volume: , perhaps—but we've “ What's false as night in New York fair Is true as light in Delaware; What's right in Maine is wrong in Jersey— Hokus-pokus, vicey-versey.” “You know that, don't you?” asked the conductor, anxiously. “IIL didn't know it—but learn,” she stammered. “Ignorance of the law is no ex- cuse!” bellowed the Philadelphia at- torney, taking off his celluloid spec- tacles and putting them on upside down. “I've a good mind to have you indicted.” “ Please don't!” she screamed. “I'm only a poor, hard-working girl.” She admits it!” howled the lawyer. “A poor, hard-working girl. At her age she is breaking the Pennsylvania state law against child labor.” “Is it a crim Malice managed to sob. “In Pennsylvania, yes. chusetts it’s Now, for a thousand dollars I could—" The at- torney winked and twiddled his thumb. toward New Malice quickly signed and handed to her legal advisor a draft on the Blunderland Liability Co. In a very short time he had smuggled her across the Massachusetts line disguised as a writ of replevin. As soon as they Wad arrived in I can In Massa- a virtue. ngland “LPR Worcester, Mass., Malice observed a white-faced lunch-room and intimated to her guardian that she was nearly famished. “Of course, you eat in this town at your own risk,” grumbled the attorney, as Malice seated herself at a table and ordered canned succotash. “But T have often eaten canned suc- cotash in my home in Indiana,” the little girl persisted. “The Indiana laws and the Massa- chusetts laws governing succotash are dangerously at odds,” droned the law- yer. Scarcely had the can, opened and steaming on a silver platter, been set before her than Malice tasted gingerly, mindful of the lawyer's warning “Stop!” he dramatically, clutching her by a wrist cried “Ts it illegal?” she whispered. “Don't you see the label?” he asked, pointing a trembling finger at a large sign on the can which read: “* POISON FORBIDDEN by the MASSACHU- SETTS STATE LAW.” “T shall die!" wailed Malice. Mr. Lawyer—what shall I do?” “Go at once to Connecticut,” the barrister advised. The succotash is declared perfectly wholesome by the state law there.” They were just in ‘time to catch the train for Hartford. “Oh, No sooner had they passed the state line than she felt entirely well. She would, indeed, have cheered up considerably had menacing group of lawyers met her a small way-station just across the border. The leader of the group hore a large floral wreath with immortelles arranged to form the words “REST IN PEACE.” “I$ Miss Malice of Blunderland on i 2?” asked the sad spokesman “Here,” the maiden chirped timor- ously. “Well, we've come to your fun all the lawyers chirped in unison. “But I'm quite alive,” she stubborn- ly insisted. “In New York, where you are one thing, in Jersey, Delaware, Ohio or Oregon, where you are several other things, you may be alive, as you But in Connecticut it’s still more « ixactly—you'll learn, you'll Ic agreed the foreman. “In a wor laws of this state make you a /u/ corpus. “What does that prove?” she f breath to enquire. Phat dead quibble “Tm glad some law is beyond a quibble,” sighed the child, as she escaped deftly into the Fourth Dimen- sion. Wallace Ire you are heyond a “FOR THE LOVE OF MIKE”