Life — March 16, 1916 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“474 The Only Case on Record THERE is nothing the matter with m I said feebly. My wife smiled, I knew that particular smile. It meant business. “Your face is flushed,” said my wife. “You have lost weight. You must see Doctor Pinkers in thirty minutes. Here is the appointment card. I've made all the arrangements. ” I began to put out my front fins and back water rapidly. “Pinkers,” I said. him, I won't go!” before I did something m: me to do and that I didn't want to do. “Never heard of Pinkers, the most eminent specialist in the world?” said “Well, don’t show your ig- Come!” She bundled me into the car, I arrived at the doctor's office. I waited for an hour and a quarter. Then I was ushered in and faced the great man. He placed my chair where the light would fall full on my face, just as those dear old souls used to do during the Spanish Inquisi- tion. He put down my identification record in a card index system as if I were already dead and buried, and then said quietly and pleasantl. “What's the matter with you?” “ Nothing.” There was a discreet pause. Why he believed me I do not know. Per- haps he had some secret electric in- strument that recorded the truth. He tapped on the desk thoughtfully with his pencil for a while. He was plainly nervous. My condition — evidently alarmed him, “How long have you been this way?” he asked with what I thought a perceptible tremor in his voice. “T don’t remember. It came on grad- ually, I used to be a fair invalid.” “Oh!” He consulted a paper in a handwriting that I recognized. “Your wife says,” he went on, “that you have lost weight and that your face is flushed.” “Yes. I stopped eating. “What did you do that for? “Well, I wasn’t hungry. “Why weren't you hungry?” “T've been playing golf. That’s what gave me the flush; and I never eat much when I exercise. That, I believe, “Never heard of T always said that wife wanted my wife. norance. *L PPE is a sign of perfect health. I was a trifle overweight anyway. Nothing ex- tensive, you understand— He was too preoccupied to follow me. Then came the examination, com- plete in all its details and leaving naught to be desired. At its conclu- sion he shook his head, quite dubiously. “You are right,” he muttered. “Most extraordinary, most unusual case I ever had. There is nothing the matter with you.” “Ever heard of a case like it?” “ Never.” No cure, I suppose.” None whatever.” “How long do you think I will live “You 1 “And your fee?” “One thousand dollars.” There was another pause. This time I politely but deftly arranged his chair so that a little of the light would fall on him. We faced each other, “Doctor,” I said, “I have a proposi- tion to make to you. You admit that you never saw a case like mine before. It must therefore possess a supreme scientific interest. I am a compara- poor and it) might—T don’t say it would, but it might— die at any moment.” tively man, SM , ° worry me to have to pay that thou- sand, Instead of doing this, let me he an exhibit at one of your clinics. 1") offer myself up as for your services.’ He came over, laid his hand on my shoulder and shook his head sadly. No, sir,” he said firmly. “Jt wouldn't do. Pay me ten dollars for my actual time and call it square. And promise never to reveal your secret to another physician “Ts it as bad as that?” I said, fork ing over the ten. He followed me nervously to the door. “It is, it is,” he whispered. “Why, my dear sir, if the medical should know of this—think of it!—if your malady should spread—what on earth would become of us! sacrifice, in return world Since We Are Quitting HE Australians seem a care-taking ind energetic people. How ald. it suit them to take over the Philip- pines? OTTO for a Never be satisfied to infuriate one side of a controversy when by timely activity you can ignite both. ey humorous paper: i NY) \ 7/ X\ IN THESE ENLIGHTENED DAYS I1’s A WISE CHILD THAT KNOWS HER OWN GRANDMOTHER comicbooks.com