Life, 1916-03-09 · page 35 of 44
Life — March 9, 1916 — page 35: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains a **rhymed book review** rather than a political cartoon. The review, titled "Beltane, the Smith," is a humorous mock-heroic poem satirizing overwrought medieval romance fiction. The reviewer (appearing to be Arthur Guiterman, based on the byline) ridicules the genre through exaggerated rhyming couplets about a generic knight-hero who slays villains, rescues maidens, and performs predictable noble deeds. The final quip—"That well-nigh every page is bleeding"—suggests the book relies on gratuitous violence for dramatic effect. The page is otherwise dominated by **product advertisements** for Listerine mouthwash and A.A. Vantine's Oriental goods, typical of Life magazine's revenue model. A small humor piece, "How It Happened," uses a child's implausible excuse about darkness to create a mild joke about dishonesty. No political satire or specific historical figures are present on this page.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Rhymed Reviews Beltane, the Smith wanes. IY A Most Effective SMITH, though born of noble \ “E ctane suongant am |e) Mouth -Wash - Dentifrice ning, Became the greatest paladin That ever rade a-paladinning You cannot thoroughly protect your teeth against decay by polishing their front surfaces with pow- der or paste and neglecting the other surfaces. To free the land he drew the sword, His warlike genius exercising Against the most tyrannic lord That ever practised tyrannizing. Brush your teeth with Listerine—the liquid antiseptic; then thoroughly rinse the mouth with diluted Listerine. This treatment will clean the front surfaces of your teeth, remove particles of food from be- tween the teeth, and protect those tooth surfaces which the brush cannot cleanse. He raised a band of broken men. He loved, with ardor unabating, The fairest maid that (up till then) Had plied the art of captivating. Assailing nobles fierce and lewd And armored hosts beyond review- ing, A thousand miscreants he slewed, Then wiped his blade and kept on slewing. Alack! The youth was seized and bound! His Helen seemed a siren scathe- ful. But he was freed, and she was found i i The faithfullest of all the faithful. Listerine Has Many Uses as a general household antiseptic—to pre- vent the infection of small cuts and wounds —for purposes of personal hygiene and in the care of children. These and other uses are described in an attractive booklet, litho- graphed and illustrated, which will be sent free upon request. How many towns our hero saved! How many demoiselles despairing! What strokes he gave, what odds he braved, Listerine is sold everywhere in original pack- ages—round bottles in brown wrappers. Four Sizes: 15c, 25c, 50c and $1.00 Manufactured only by Lambert Pharmacal Co. is THE “‘Gate-way to The Orient’’- PERMANENT exposition of thingy unigue and rare, @ wondrous Ori- ental Fairyland, where are displayed {in alos endless variety exclusive fabrics, artistic bronzes, distinctive lamps, fine Ori- ental raga, unique furniture, beautiful ki- tones and evening coats, and thousands of ctber Oriental articles of art and wtility for pervonal use of presentation purposes. Write for a copy of the Vantine Catalog ‘Mailed postpaid pea request It brings this wooderfal more to your bome and Sr aa ‘we Vanuete eo joe's 80 euuter bow far from New ‘i Tere yesteader Coa ‘What ; griefs he bore beyond all 120 pages of diiactive and i bearing! many In actual colors, In- ‘i . dading Kimonos, evening But when with falchion trenchant- coats, wadded ren end women, band bere edged Odds homicide !—the reddest tale That I have had the fun of reading! Arthur Guiterman. Oriental slippers, shawls, » A-A-VANTINE.&-CO- Fifth Ave. & 39th St., New York All rogues were slain, all wrongs were righted, My Beltane and his duchess pledged The truest plightings ever plighted. A slaughterous book! I'll go ye bail That well-nigh every page is bleed- ing. How It Happened “ Lillian,” said mother severely, “ there were two pieces of cake in the pantry this morning, and now there is only one. How does this happen?” “T don't know,” replied Lillian regret: fully. “It musta been so dark I didn't see the other piece.” —Ladies’ Home Journal, comicbooks.com