Life — February 24, 1916 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

350 An Apparently Simple Scheme ““THE United States of Europe” has been suggested as a solution of war. That Europe and this coun- try are relatively the same size, and that the diversities of races in Europe zre not much greater than we have here, seem to simplify the problem. Switzerland, or an appropriate section of it, could perform the same func- tions as our District of Columbia. Kaiser William would then be Gov- ernor William of Prussia. President Poincaré would be Governor of France. There would be a European Congress and Senate, elected by the various peoples, and when the repre- sentatives of divers nationalitics were at odds with each other on the floor, their differences could be regulated by parliamentary Jaw or by the master- at-arms. The standard of industries would then be a matter of local abili- t There would be no tariffs except interstate. This idea would then, no doubt, be capable of extension. If it proved good for Europe, it would prove good for the rest of the world. Men now come as far as from the Philippines to be represented in the Congress of the United States. The whole world indeed is more closely knit than the Roman Empire was in its palmiest days. Wireless telegraphy, aeroplanes and electric transportation systems are bringing all the peoples of the earth together. It is only a question of time when the Slavs of Russia will be re- garded with no more hostility by the Teuton than the inhabitants of The Bronx are by the inhabitants of Hoboken. To bring about this condi- tion it would only be necessary to de- velop a world sense of humor. If one country wanted to mobilize it could be treated as a joke. By the time all this happens we shall undoubtedly perfect our own sys- tem by a simple ballot, the elimination of the trusts, the purification of the judiciary, and the invention of a proper exhaust for the hitherto un- regulated emotions of woman. These improvements can then be incorporated in the general scheme. Before this desirable millennium is reached, however, it will no doubt be necessary to have a few more wars, THE CAMP FOLLOWER Unless, possibly, another simple ex- pedient is adopted, namely, to destroy at once all the armaments and ammu- nition in the world and make it a cap- ital offense for anyone to make any more. Would Krupp be a good one to begin on? gin on" Thomas L. Masson. The Donkey's Dream of Disarma- ment A Modern Fable A Donkey, grazing in a Field, came to a Pond, on the other side of which he beheld a Lion, a Bear, a Wild Boar and several other Fierce Animals engaged in Mortal Combat. While placidly gazing at this Scene of Carnage, he was accosted by a Raven. “Good neighbor,” quoth the Bird of Evil Portent, “how can you view yonder Conflict so tranquilly when any moment those Wild Beasts may cease their Strife and cross your narrow Pond to devour you?” “Oh!” replied the Long Eared One, my Defense lies in Disarmament. Peace rests on Friendship and Good Will, and the only Sure Way to live in Peace with your Neighbors is to be Total- ly Incapable of defending yourself.” So saying, the Didactic Donkey de- liberately bit off the head of a Poppy and lay calmly down to sleep. Speed HE STRANGER: Why are you driving the car so fast? Tue American: To get to the ferry. (Later at the ferry.) Tue American: We have twenty minutes to spare. Tue Strancer: I knew it. In this country you will race the car, burn up gasoline, imperil lives, run the chance of being arrested, and kill a chicken to gain twenty minutes for which you have no use when you get them. Unstable The president has already wrung from Germany, the strongest and proudest military power in the world, a renunciation of its asserted right to attack liners without warning or giving the noncombatants thereon a chance to escape, —Springfield Republican, URE; and a fine job. Except that German renunciations don’t seem to be waterproof. Previous NDER his picture the Independent puts “Mr. Justice Brandeis,” but it is not true until the Senate confirms him.