Life — January 20, 1916 — page 31: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

OOR little Malice found herself wandering again aimlessly through the mazes of the nonsensical civiliza- tion in which she had been cast; and she was once more directing her foot- steps down Fifth Avenue, in a quan- dary whether to keep right on or re- turn to her senses, when a Jabberwock in a policeman’s uniform held up a white glove and thundered as follows: “Stop!” ‘ “Why should 1?" asked Malice, con- fused. “Well, my dear——” here the mon- ster policeman blushed shyly. “It's the traffic rules. Rule N. G,, 4-11-44." He unfolded a large document which he held under one wing and read, “‘ You are instructed to stop pedestrians when they are moving and move them when they are stopped.’ Simple, simple!” announced the Jabberwock soothingly. “Well, am I to stand here, in the midst of all these automobiles, the rest of my life?” asked Malice, alarmed. “ Perhaps—you can’t tell about traffic regulations,” the policeman reassured her. “But say, child! While you're standing here, why don’t you go around and look at the styles?” Not quite certain how she could stand there and go around at the same time, nevertheless Malice took the monster’s advice and passed down the street. Almost the first sign to attract her attention was the announcement: Mapam Dovo THE Map Moopiste Stytes a Year AHEAD Vaguely Malice remembered that she was modestly and sensibly dressed, therefore quite out of the picture on the island of Manhattan. With this embar- rassing thought in mind she entered the plush-lined interior of Madam Dodo's shop and was accosted by a blond bird who, over a predatory beak, confronted her with hungry eyes. “Oh!” squawked the bird, regard- “LIFE: Malice in Blunderland V—The Next Jump in Styles A Jabberwock thundered “ Stop!” ing Malice’s simple gown. “ Your clothes are so ugly! They're wonder- ful! Just make them in more expensive materials, charge ten times what they’re worth, and I can create a vogue for 1917. Clarisse!” with sketching materials bounded out from behind a screen. “ Make a sketch of the young lady’s gown, Color it in a shocking combination of mal de mer green, egg-plant purple and_ scarlet. File it away, please, for further refer- ence,” The Malice, quired: “What styles have you for—er—next year?” Madam pushed a button and an as- sistant appeared with an armful of silken material in red, white and blue. “ Try this on!” requested the modiste, smiling. In a twinkling they had slipped the creation over the shoulders, and Malice noticed, to her dismay, that the gown was covered with ruffles, and that all the ruffles, in apparent defiance of the laws of gravitation, were sticking and en- artist’ quickly obeyed, to make conversation, A French poodle: upward in such a way that her head and arms were entirely concealed, while her nether limbs were unblushingly dis- played to an astonished world. “Ex-quisite!"” chirped the Dodo. “Isn't it delightfully uncomfortable?” “Oh, yes!” the half-smothered girl replied. “ But how can I wear such a thing? It seems to be on upside down! There isn’t any place for my arms.” “Ah, that’s the point!” agreed the enthusiastic bird. “ Next year's gowns will be worn without arms.” “You mean you've got to cut off my arms to get me inside this thing?” asked Malice timidly. “No trouble at all, dearie!" Madam Dodo reassured her. “ Our business, you know, is cutting to suit the fash- ion. You've heard it said, haven't “Waists will be cut short this year, and ‘ Necks will be cut low’? Well, it’s our firm that does that. The style’s the thing, after all—the lady inside the dress isn’t important. If she doesn’t fit, rearrange her so she will.” “T shouldn't like that,” Malice found strength enough to protest. “Well, it’s not my fault, is it?” snapped the Dodo. “And before I make alterations on your person, [ should like to take up the matter of corsets.” “T don't wear corsets,” said Malice decisively. “My waist is sufficiently small without them.” “Who said anything about your waist?” asked the modiste, becoming quite impatient. “ Corsets will be worn around the neck with the new gowns in order to make the tout ensemble conform with our design.” Malice stood before a mirror, whirl- ing herself around in order to get a good view from all sides. Through the lace ruffle over her face she could criticize the curiosity she was wearing. “Oh, well!” she philosophized, “it isn’t so much crazier than some I've seen on the street this Fall.” “Take care how you underrate my skill!” shricked the Dodo. “ Of course