Life, 1915-12-23 · page 27 of 40
Life — December 23, 1915 — page 27: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page satirizes American preparedness debates, likely from the World War I era. The "Dictionary of Preparedness Terms" mocks military-industrial rhetoric through cynical redefinitions: "The Enemy" means any trading rival; "Patriot" means munition makers or interior politicians; "The Voter" is powerless—paying for war while distracted by movies. The top cartoon shows a serene woman labeled "They're Nothing But Apples," apparently contrasting peaceful reality with war hysteria. "A Feeble Reform" ridicules a Kansas bill banning cosmetics on young women, arguing the real problem isn't painted faces but "painted minds"—dishonest thinking. The author sarcastically questions inspectors' ability to distinguish natural from artificial complexions. The "Christian Science Father" cartoon jokes about paradoxical logic: a father beats his son while claiming it hurts himself more, echoing Christian Science's denial of physical reality—a contemporary target of satire. Overall, the page criticizes war profiteering, voter apathy, and questionable social legislation with sharp political humor.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“LIFE: 1247 Life’s Dictionary of Preparedness Terms HE Enemy: Any nation that has a balance of trade against us. Patriot: To a munition maker, a man who makes muni- tions. To a western politician, almost any man who doesn’t make munitions and who lives far enough in the interior. Army: A small body of khaki uniforms, entirely sur- rounded by politicians. Navy: One battleship, one submarine and a boatswain’s mate. Invasion: The breaking down of our coast defences, siege and destruction of our principal cities, and the pay- ment of a tribute of one billion dollars, which occurs once a week—in the newspapers. Munition Maker: A man who spends his time praying for peace. The Voter: A man who pays the taxes and supplies the material for war, including his own life, and who is the only one who hasn't expressed his opinion, because he is too busy going to the “movies” and trying to make a living. Hopes to Land EPORT says Holland won't let the Fordites ashore, but Mrs. Bossevain is a mil-Hollander by birth and a Hol- lander by marriage, and has a double right to enter. Put her in front, Mr. Ford. HRISTIAN SCIENCE FATE (taking his boy across his knee): Now, Willie dear, remember that this doesn’t hurt me any more than it doesn’t hurt you. “THEY'RE NOTHING BUT APPLES” A Feeble Reform RECENT bill introduced into the Kansas Legislature provides that “ women under forty-five years of age who wear earrings or treat their face with cosmetics” will be guilty of misdemeanors and liable to punishment. Should this bill eventually become a law—and anything is possible in Kansas—we do not envy the inspectors their jobs. To go up to some society queen at a tango dance, and, leading her off gently to a side light, have to decide whether her complexion was made by Nature or Paris, is no bed of roses for any man. If women are employed for this purpose it would go e’en harder with them. What is most needed, however, is not a law to punish the wearers of paints and powders, but one which shall be able to detect made-up minds. A lady who paints is at least employing no permanent deception. What she does is an outward and visible sign. But how about the lady who colors her mind? How many real, natural feminine mental complexions do we see nowadays? Any legislator who will discover a way to find them out will confer a AND YET IF HE HAS TO BE TAKEN AWAY TWENTY-FOUR real blessing upon humanity. HOURS HE GETS HOMESICK comicbooks.com