Life, 1915-12-02 · page 76 of 100
Life — December 2, 1915 — page 76: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains satirical content targeting **Kaiser Wilhelm II** of Germany during World War I. The main piece is a mock "Last Will and Testament of William" dated "Berlin-the-Foolish, August, 1915." The satire presents Wilhelm confessing to being an "Emperor and King of all the Outlaws, Barbarians and Greatest Criminals" who has caused widespread suffering. He "bequeaths" territorial losses (Alsace-Lorraine to France, apologies to Belgium for invasion), military defeats, and regrets to various Allied nations. The joke relies on depicting Wilhelm as already defeated and humiliated, forced to surrender conquests and admit his failures. References to his son (the Crown Prince) and his military staff mock the German leadership. The "Revised Versions" section below applies cynical modern proverbs, likely commenting on contemporary social hypocrisy. The surrounding advertisements (golf equipment, Klaxon horns) are unrelated commercial content typical of the era. This represents American wartime propaganda portraying Germany's leader as morally bankrupt and militarily doomed.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
GIFT FOR GOLFERS “The Caddie’s Friend” May Be Attached to Any Golf Bag 50 Price $3 Sent Prepaid A golf bag support invented by a veteran golfer. Weighs less than a mid-iron. Works automatically as soon as bag touches the ground. Takes the burden off the cad- die when you’re ~ on the tee. Clubs always handy, in easy reach. Folds in automat- ically when bag is lifted. Use one yourself. Give one to your golfing friend for Christmas. Write for “The Christmas Trail,” the A, & F. book of sportsmen’s' gifts. ABERCROMBIE & FITCH CO. Ezra H. Fitch, President 53-57 WEST 36th ST. NEW YORK “The Greatest Sporting Goods Store in the World’? witha KEAXON Do you know tha the T; yp L Klazon—the large est of the Klaxons—costs only $20; an that other Klaxons may y be hed for as low as $4—each the best signal of its kind made? They are Late Nave but not cheap signals—Klaxon quality throughout —al % Last Will and Testament of William I WILLIAM, Emperor and King of all the Outlaws, 9 Barbarians and Greatest Criminals of the Earth, hav- ing become completely fuddled by vanity and ambition, dictate this, my last Will and Testament, in anticipation of seeing myself nailed to the pillory by the civilized peoples I have outraged. I bequeath: First: To the Widows, Orphans and Aged whose woe I have caused, my personal fortune, and the right to curse me to the end of the centuries; Second: To my Chief of Staff and my Ministers, all my titles and decorations, which I have sufficiently dragged through mud and blood ; Third: To Austria, my colossal Zeppelins, or so many of them as shall remain; as well as my last cartridge, to enable Francis Joseph to blow out his brains when he shall realize that he has erred in falling into the trap I set for him; Fourth: To France, I give up, under compulsion, Al- sace-Lorraine; and to England I leave the memory of my since that is all I shall have left of it; Fifth: To Belgium, I give all my admiration for her heroic defense against my scoundrelly aggression ; Sixth: To Russia, I give those few cannon which she has not taken from me; To valiant little Serbia, I give Austria; To Italy, a rod which I have in pickle for her; Ninth: To all Peoples, I grudgingly give peace; Tenth: As for my well-beloved son, the Crown Prince, I leave him nothing, considering that the dose which the Allied armies will give him will be sufficient ; Eleventh: Finally, as nothing remains but regrets, I leave those to my family. I choose as my executors, Messrs. Pioupiou & Co., to whom I give my head; apologizing because it will not be big enough to satisfy all of those who wish a piece of it. Wituam, Berlin-the-Foolish, August, 1915. Some Revised Versions (in the ight of modern knowledge) HE mills of the gods grind slowly, but the number of young children who are used up in the process con- tinues to be about as large as ever. Handsome is that handsome does, which, owing to the advanced technique in the application to the face of paints, powders and enamel, continues to hold its own in the best circles. Nothing succeeds like success, which generally includes learning how to think you make after dinner speeches, being operated on at regular intervals and remarrying a twenty-year-old wife who squanders your money. wel