Life, 1915-12-02 · page 63 of 100
Life — December 2, 1915 — page 63: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This Christmas-themed satirical piece by John Kendrick Bangs depicts Santa Claus magically removing societal nuisances and enemies—packing them into sacks to take away. The targets include: **Political figures**: William Jennings Bryan (three-time presidential candidate), Josephus Daniels (Secretary of the Navy), Von Tirpitz and Von Bernstorff (German military/diplomatic officials—revealing anti-German sentiment, likely WWI-era) **Social groups**: IWW labor leaders, Tammany Hall politicians, anarchist "soap-box" orators, and various urban annoyances (gum-chewers, grafting cops, panhandlers) **Cultural targets**: Cubist and modernist artists dismissed as "Boobists" and "Roobists" The satire's dark humor emerges in the final twist: Santa succeeds, bringing perfect peace—but "the day after" reality returns, suggesting that removing all problems is impossible. The joke critiques both the foolishness of those listed *and* the futility of hoping for sudden societal reform.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Christmas Life “THE GIRL HE LEFT BEHIND” And we began to pack the sack. We put into it the Public Speeches of William Jennings Bryan. We seized upon the portly form of Josephus of the Navy, and shoved him deep down into its depths. Upon Von Tirpitz and Von Bern- storff we seized, and them we etherized and folded into a compact wad, and thrust within. Leaders of the I. W. W. we seized by the scruff of their necks and un- ceremoniously tossed into the sack. And Tammany Hall and the State Legislature we likewise poked therein And William Barnes, and George of the Hyphenstrum, we landed strug- gling in its midst. An extra sack was sent for, and the Cubists, and the Boobists, and the Roobists of art and literature were straightway insinuated into that. The man who chews gum and breathes in your face in the subway and on the elevated and surface cars was gagged and pitched therein. And grasping Taximen, and all Jani- tors, and sons of Janitors, and inert Plumbers, and the Panhandlers of the Highway, and the Grafting Cop, these too, were placed within the sack. Long-haired men and close-cropped ladies given to soap-box and cart-tail oratory, packed we them into the depths. Salacious novelists and commercial muck-diggers disinfected we them, and stowed them in the bag. 1091 The Dogs of War we seized, and pulled their fangs, and muzzled their dripping jaws, and their writhing bodies we pressed deep down into the yawning maw of a new sack. And other new sacks were got, and placed at both ends of the Great White Way, and all the unclean things thereon were driven in—and great was the throng thereof. And so it went all through the night —embarrassments, pests, nui- sances, abuses, trials sore, and all the category of pestilential things were cor- ralled and packed away, and as the sun rose with the coming of the dawn the good old Saint shouldered the bags, and, bending beneath his burden, turned to say farewell. “ By-by, son,” said he. Christmas to you!” And he faded into space. His wish came true. It was indeed a Merry Christmas, and a happy one, but the day after— Ah, well, happiness is a_ peculiar thing. And life with nothing at all to find fault with—after all, what is it? John Kendrick Bangs. “A Merry comicbooks.com: