Life, 1915-11-25 · page 34 of 44
Life — November 25, 1915 — page 34: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
**Main Content: Satirical Dialogue "The Greatest Art of All"** This is a teacher-student exchange mocking Progressive Era idealism. A clever boy argues that "getting something for nothing" is America's supreme art form, practiced historically by criminals but recently legitimized through Christian Science (which promised healing through mind over matter) and political reforms like minimum wage laws and women's suffrage. The satire targets reformers' naive belief that legislation and positive thinking can solve material problems without genuine effort. The teacher's concluding approval—despite the cynical argument—underscores the magazine's skepticism toward Progressive solutions. **Secondary Content: "The Futurist's Nightmare"** An abstract illustration of a nude male figure confronting his own sculptural likeness—likely referencing Futurism's celebration of modernity and dynamism, treated here as absurd or menacing. The page reflects pre-1920s American conservatism critiquing both utopian reformism and avant-garde art movements as dangerous fantasies.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
1018 The Greatest Art of All EACHER: Now, children, remember that you have a reputation to maintain for advanced thinking. Atten- tion, please! This morning we will talk about the arts. Is there any art greater than another? Bricut Boy: Oh, yes. “Well then, first let us enumerate some of the arts. There is the art of painting, of music, of the drama——” “ But, teacher, excuse me, the art I mean is greater than any of the: “Name it.’ “It's the art of getting something for nothing, one in which the American people, above all others, have come to excel.” “J don’t think Lever heard of that art before. you know, children, this class has absolute freedom of thought and expression, and so, James, you are at liberty to elaborate your statement. Stand up and face the class d explain what is the art of getting something for noth- ing, and why you think it is the greatest of all the arts.” James, unembarrassed, stood up. “Teacher and fellow pupils,” he said, “I am going to put it as briefly as possible. The law of self-preservation is the first instinct of all animals, including human beings. There are two methods of preserving one’s self, cither hy work or by strategy. Those who don't use cither method starve, unless they have inherited wealth, when they generally become parasites. Now then, my friends, the art of getting something for nothing was, up to recent times, practised by individuals or by small groups—like burglars, highwaymen, lobbyists and magnates. Then Christian Science came in and expanded this great art until large numbers of people succumbed to the idea that you could get something for nothing. It was marvelous. All you had to do was to fold your hands, smile sweetly and all trouble and disease vanished. Up to that time, when anybody wanted anything really worth while possessing, they had to put forth an effort; after, they had but to wish it on, If you broke your leg, you could smile, call it an error of mortal mind, and it was made whole. “The thing worked so well with Christian Science that they tried it in many other directions. Minimum wage laws are now supposed to change our socialistic conditions. Legislatures and Congresses have but to pass measures, and like the prestidigitator who takes a rabbit out of a hat, lo! they can create happiness by passing a resolution. And last of all, we have woman suffrace. From the simple act of a lot of women dropping a piece of paper into a ballot box at certain intervals wars will cease, bread will jump into ovens and bake itself, children will grow up with ready-made characters and eternal bliss will be the order of the day. This, then, is what I mean when I say that of all the arts known to man the art of getting something for nothing is entitled to the Iron Cross, Am I right?” Teacner: Is he right? Now, children, remember that you are all advanced thinkers and about a hundred years ahead of the newspaper-reading, baseball-attending public But, as THE FUTURIST'S NIGHTMARE HIS GALATEA COMES TO LIFE of to-day. The question is: Is the art of getting some- thing for nothing the greatest of all the arts? All those in favor say aye; contrary, no. The ayes have it. You may now run out and play. Anticipations O does not like at this early day to anticipate any of the conditions of peace, but if the Prussian military governor who had Miss Cavell shot is eventually to be hanged it will be very suitable to have it done in Brussels. It is important that as many as possible of the German commanders who are identified with the enforcement of the Prussian policy of “ frightfulness” should be hanged, if they can be caught. Von Biilow is one of them. Von der Goltz is another. There are a lot of them, but of course they are not caught yet. Reasonable MOB took a wretch of a fellow out and strung him up to a tree. “For the sanctity of womanhood!” they solemnly proclaimed. However, they were reasonable about it. They didn't go to the fanatical length of holding women too sacred to take in washing to support their husbands and children and a dog or two for each family. In fact, there was scarcely a man in the mob but gave, in his own home life, practical token of not going so far as that. comicbooks.com