Life — November 11, 1915 — page 30: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘LIEFE> “WHY ARE YOU CkYING, LITTLE Boy?" “'CAUSE MEN WON'T MARRY ANY MORE.” Bulls and Bears \WHEN the market opened at ten o'clock Monday morn- ing, all the anxious seats were fully occupied and only yelling room was to be had. National Greed imme- diately became a leader in the dealings, advancing three points in the first hour and remaining active throughout the entire day. A close second in point of activity was Amalgamated Hysteria Common. This indulged in the wildest possible fluctuations and closed the day in a whirl of uncertainty. On Tuesday the leading speculative issues were the nine- teenth mortgage bonds of the Double Dealer and Loot Railway and the seventh preferred shares of the Fiscal Debauch Mine. The only element of uncertainty about the Double Dealer and Loot Railway is the question as to what attitude toward frenzied finance and fancy fiscal- ing will be taken by that part of posterity which is ex- pected to inhabit the twenty-first century. In the event that the said posterity shows a properly humble and self- sacrificing disposition, then investors may be able to re- cover some salvage. On Wednesday and Thursday attention was given more exclusively to the war issues, with particular regard to the operations of General von Bludspiller in Russia. Accord- ing to the leading financial experts, it is believed that if the Germans succeed in taking Bxcywimyslograd, the shares of the Central American Carpet Tack Trust ought to be worth fully an eighth of a point more than they were in the middle of July in the parlous year of 1907. On the other hand, if General von Schlaughter is compelled to relinquish Xqpklwyxcowitz, then there is sure to be a weakness in Antarctic Ice. The unwonted activity of the early part of the week was reflected in the movement of Nervous Prostration Preferred on Friday and Saturday. This was participated in not only by the public lambs and the professional bulls and bears, but also by the clerks, bookkeepers, office boys, stenographers and other slaves of the ticker. This was kept up until long after closing on Saturday, when they all dispersed to their respective recuperating retreats. Roads Roars were invented for the purpose of getting rid of the pcople in one place in exchange for those in another place equally undesirable. They were also a fair substitute for climbing trees. Roads are made of various material. Some of them, like those in Kentucky, consist exclusively of mud. At one time all roads led to Rome. the country club. You can see everything on a road if you look long enough—men, women, children, horses—even Fords. Now they lead to A FABLE First Cheese-mite: 1 FEAR SOME ONE WILL GRAB THIS CHEESE Second Cheese-mite: STRONG — WE'RE RICH — WE'VE A MILLIONS | NONSENSE! IMPOSSIBLE! WE'RE POPULATION OF NINETY European Locals GENERAL FRENCH, of the British Army, is con- templating an extensive stay among friends in Berlin. Admiral Von Tirpitz, late of the German Navy, has gone to the Black Forest for a much needed rest. Mohammed V., president of Constantinople Harem No. 41144, is making plans to spend next summer in Athens, where he will be the guest of Nicholas II George Wettin, of London,.is thinking of joining the army. General Joffre, late of Paris, is still on the job. comicbooks.com