Life — October 14, 1915 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“LEE - The Perfect Illness HE Perfect Man fell ill. As this had never happened before, there s great alarm in his household, and the Perfect Doctor was summoned post-haste. “T can't understand this at all,” ex- claimed the Perfect Man, when the Doctor arrived. “I am_ perfectly familiar with the laws of health and I take perfect care of myself. Up to one hour ago I was in perfect health, I am perfectly but now look at me. rable.” It is perfectly simple,” replied the Perfect Doctor in his very best pro- fessional manner. “You have been attacked by a germ, the Perambulatiosa Slipacoggus, to be exact. It is a per- fect case.” “What is that you say? Do you mean to tell me I have been attacked by a pestiferous germ while in perfect health? How could it be?” “Perfectly simple. The fact that you were in perfect health makes it all the more interesting. It has all been worked out theoretically. Here you are going calmly about your business. Suddenly you meet a homeless germ. il Mt He takes a fancy to you. He finds you appetizing. He proceeds to adopt you as a pasture and as a breeding place. Before you know it he has many mil- lions of children, grandchildren and more remote posterity even unto the ninth and tenth generations. You have a perfectly magnificent case. I must——” “But look here,” interrupted the Perfect Man, “doesn’t it make any difference what kind of life a man lives?” “Some authorities think it makes a little difference, but your case seems to prove that it makes absolutely no difference whatsoever. After all, a germ's but a germ, you know, and naturally doesn’t possess enough intel- lect to be a respecter of persons.” “So then, speaking from a germ standpoint, there is no advantage in. being a Perfect Man. I might have been an Imperfect Man and if my path hadn’t happened to cross that of a germ I could have passed my whole life without being ill.” “Quite so. Quite so. You have stated the germ theory in a nutshell. So re Miss Cow: Mr. Pig: WHAT CAN You EXPECT? MOTHER WAS A NOTORIOUS DECOY I MUST SAY, I CAN'T APPROVE OF MISS DUCK’S CONDUCT HER FATHER WAS WILD AND HER Crow: GO ON, SCARE ME—1 DARE you! Now we must fumigate everything you have come in contact with. And you must get into quarantine and stay there for six weeks, whether you are ill or not, and then—well, we'll see when the time comes. But I must say I never saw a more perfect specimen, I wish I could exhibit you at the clinic. I must report you to the Review. It is perfectly typical,” concluded the Perfect Doctor, rubbing his hands with great satisfaction. “And I must report your theory to my friends,” replied the Perfect Man, “for I consider it perfectly nonsens- ical.” Ellis O, Jones. Character and Circumstances IRCUMSTANCES are constantly making warfare upon character; yet without circumstances how could character continue to develop? It is rather curious, this combination of char- acter and circumstances. They are very much like an ill-mated pair—necessary to each other. Circumstances without character would be dull and meaning- less, lacking in vitality. Character with- out circumstances is a flabby fortress. IX matters of repartee a word at the right moment is worth a whole dic- tionary an hour later. comicbooks.com