Life — October 14, 1915 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

tail Matter. Canad Within the Law OW, Mr. Legalcap,” said the Burglar, turning uneasily on his cot in the prison hospital, “in addi- tion to undertaking my defense, I want you to start a suit for damages on my behalf against Colonel Watkins.” “You mean the man whose house you burglarized?” demanded the Lawyer. Precisely,” said the Burglar. “The case is very simple. When impelled by my own necessities I broke into Colonel Watkins's house and purloined his wife's jewel-case. With entire re- spect for the rights of the members of his household to sleep peacefully, with neither riotous conduct nor un- seemly noise, I started down the front stairs to withdraw quietly. And then what happened? Half way down, in the dark, I tripped over a vacuum- cleaner carelessly left on the first landing of the stairway, and, plunging head-first to the bottom, I broke my right arm, three ribs and my left leg. It seems to me that this should entitle me to fifty thousand dollars damages— fve thousand for each fracture, ten thousand for the humiliation brought upon me by my arrest, and fifteen thousand dollars for the probable loss of business during the coming years, when I shall probably be doing time after my trial.” Ah, ahem!" said the Lawyer. But—ah—under what system of law do you think you will either deserve or win a verdict?” “Under those recognized principles of equity, justice and pure righteous- ness which have guided the actions of the Kaiser in Belgium, sir,” replied the Burglar. “Oh, very well,” said the Lawyer, rising. “Give me a retainer of ten thousand dollars and a hyphenated jury, and I'll see what I can do for you.” RAYMOND- WHITCOMB C TO THE West Indies, Panama, the Central Ameri- can Wonderland and the Spanish Main Tropical Cruises de Luxe of twenty-four days’ duration sailing from New York Jan. 29, Feb. 12 and March 11, by the beautiful American sisterships “PASTORES and TENADORES” under the American Flag Remarkable and comprehensive tours to SOUTH AMERICA January 15th, February 2nd, Sth, 16th and 26th, 1916 ‘Weekly Tours to California on the Highest Plane of Travel Send for Booklet desired RAYMOND & WHITCOMB COMPANY 17 Temple Place, Boston New York Chicago Philadelphia San Francisco Franklin Simon 8 Co, Fifth Avenue, 37th and 38th Sts., New York New Model Winter Coats For Women and Misses A Perfect Program This story has the merit of being true, anyhow: The official pessimist of a small Western city, a gentleman who had wres- tled with chronic dyspepsia for years, stood in front of the post office as the noon whistles sounded. “ Twelve o'clock, eh?" he said, half to himself and half to an acquaintance. “Well, I'm going home to dinner, If dinner ain't ready I'm going to raise hell ; and if it is ready I ain't going to eat a bite.”"—Saturday Evening Post, Fur Trimmed Coat of Imported Wool Velour 15.—Fur Trimmed Coat, Slip-on Model, of Imported Wool Velour, in Green, Brown, Navy, Field Mouse or Black, large roll collar and cuffs of Natural Rac- coon Fur, mannish and_ straight slit pockets fastened with covered button lined with soft silk, warmly interlined. Women’s Sizes, 32 to 44. Misses, 14 to 20 years. Special, 29.50 Fur Trimmed Coat of Imported Corduroy Velvet .—Fur Trimmed Coat, of Imported Corduroy Velvet, in Russian Green, African Brown, Mole, Navy Blue or Black, with large roll collar of Natural Rac- coon Fur, worn buttoned to neck or open; a smart model with de- tachable belt and deep cuffs of self aterial, lined throughout with soft . warmly interlined, Women's Sizes, 32 to 44. Misses, 14 to 20 years, Special, 18.50 17a—Natural Raccoon Muff, (as illustrated), silk lined. Special, 14.50 Portfolio containing four beauti- ful Brochure— Catalogs— giving latest features; accurate il- lustrations; lowest prices, etc., ete, etc. Mailed free. Write today. Special Voloes in High-Grade Used Harps Mh WAY ON & HEALY Makers of the Lyon & Mealy Harp =The World's Standa: 21.33 East Adams Stre Chicago comicbooks.com