Life — September 30, 1915 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Morning Session “AJOW, children, remember that 1 am a great teacher, There may be other smaller ones, but you alone are fortunate in possessing me as the real thing. I am now going to lay aside my knitting and this morning I will ask the class to consider the sub- ject of our navy’s needs.” A little hand went up. “Teacher Josephus, may I ask what a need is?” “Certainly, my boy; I am only too glad to answer questions in which my intimate technical knowledge, of such incalculable benefit to the country, can be properly displayed. A need is some- thing that nobody wants until the necessity for, it has been so demon- strated that you can’t get away from it. For instance, in my lovely little family navy they didn’t know they wanted grape-juice ; now every admiral cries for it. Why, they will drink it out of my hand.” Willie Jones, the brightest boy in the class, now spoke up. “May I say something, teacher?” he asked. “Yes, Willie; but I warn you to be careful. Sometimes your bright mind works so quickly that you are not al- ways respectful. Discipline, Willie, THE MORE THE MERRIER Sunday Golfer: ING, CADDIE Oe, hi Se ——_ SOMETHING HAS PUT ME OFF MY GAME THIS MORN- “IT’S THEM CHURCH BELLS, MISTER, THEY HADN'T OUGHT TO BE ALLOWED” -must be maintained at the point of the knitting-needle, even if the most useful members of the class have to go. Remember the case of pupil Fiske. Now you may proceed.” Willie Jones shook his head. “T guess I won't, teacher,” he said. “Now, Willie, don’t be discouraged. Remember that even if I do not ap- prove of all you say, there may be a real advertising value to your remarks, I always remember this point. Speak up.” “Well, teacher Josephus, I guess it is all right, because I was only going to praise up what you said about need and about your not knowing what it was until everybody wanted , it.” “The class will please come to order. Remember that while I require bright, smiling morning faces, this can be overdone. Now, Willie, please explain just what you mean. I don’t think you have used your usual lucidity of expression.” “Thank you, teacher; I will try all over again. What I meant was that nobody wanted grape-juice until you demonstrated its need, and it is just like that the other way round, because you didn’t want any more navy until somebody stood over you with a club and made you see we needed it. You were red-hot for grape-juice, but not for guns.” “And who, may I ask, Willie, was that somebody?” “T guess, dear teacher, it was every- body. And that’s the way you got your inventors’ bureau started. You tried to make people think you didn’t, but it was because you had to and——" The bell now rang, and teacher Josephus held up his finger. “Remember, children, you are to pass out quietly into the navy yard to your play, and, above all, don’t disturb the workmen who are putting court- plaster on the submarines, and don’t mark or mutilate our torpedo, because some day it may serve a useful pur- pose; and remember that after the recess you are to help me send out the usual press notices showing my photo- graph embracing a common sailor, and other useful data in our propaganda against the enemy, whoever he may be. Ready! Stand! March!” comicbooks.com