Life — September 9, 1915 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“LIP E* YOU ALWAYS FORGET SOMETHING ON THESE NOW 11'S THE T-CRACKERS | Morning Session EACHER: Now, children, we have assembled this morning in accordance with the new idea in our beloved public-school system, which is that our pupils should learn something intensely practical, so that you could earn your living at it if necessary. This morning, therefore, just bear in mind that we are in the excursion- steamboat business. Willie Jones, will you tell the class what is the object of this business? Witte Jones: To make money for the directors. Treacuer: Correct. And how can this be done? Bricut Boy: Let me answer, teacher, ‘cause I know. I've lived in Chicago and New York. Teacuer: You may tell. Bricut Boy: You get an old boat about thirty years old, advertise it in the papers, and fill it with all the people it can possibly hold and then some. Then you make it run between two points. Teacuer: That is very good as a general plan, but there are several points to be considered. Suppose the boat should sink? You may answer, Robert. : Ronert Reep (triumphantly): Build another. Tracuer: Very good. But suppose the government inspectors should come around and demand an expla- nation? ‘ Bric y, teacher, they’ve already been around, and we've fixed ‘em. Tracner (smiling): That's splendid. I thought I might catch you. Now for the one big question. Please listen carefully. Suppose the boat and the people are drowned, and then, although the inspectors have been 4,” you have so brightly put it, that everybody is angry and wants to have you put in jail, or shot, or some- thing like that, what is then your proper course? _Bricut Boy: Wouldn't that be, teacher, to see all the judges and then wait for, say; about a couple of weeks or so, until the thing has been forgotten? Teacner: Very good. Now, children, we will have a recess, and when you go home don’t forget to tell your parents that you are now learning under our wonderful new system to grow up to be useful and efficient citizens of this great Republic. Their Favorite Beliefs AID The poet: I am misunderstood. The laborer: I am underpaid. The diplomat: I am eternally mistrusted. The housewife: I am a drudge. The débutante: My life is really a tragedy. The small boy: I shall never get filled up. The doctor: I shall die of the disease which I treat the best. Thelawyer: I did not make the law. The schoolmaster: I know. The philosopher: I wonder. The scientist: I hope. The fool: 1 think. Knowing HAT is knowing something? It is having lived through an actual experience of it; of being able to compare it with other actual experiences; of misjudging it, then being forced into correcting one’s misjudgment handling it, turning it about and looking upon it from all sides, and of meditating upon it. This takes time. That is why our young people know so little. They mistake a glib rendering of facts for the real thing. They think they know, but they don't. “NO, JACK, YOU MUSTN’T KISS ME BEFORE YOU HAVE IM- MERSED YOUR FACE IN THAT BOWL OF DISINFECTANT” comicbooks.com