Life, 1915-08-12 · page 26 of 40
Life — August 12, 1915 — page 26: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three pieces of political-social commentary from the World War I period: **"My Navy"** is a patriotic parody attributed to Secretary of the Navy Josephus Daniels, mocking American naval policy. The poem ironically celebrates "neutrality" and "harmless joys" while referencing "grape-juice" (Daniels was a prohibitionist) instead of martial strength. It satirizes the gap between patriotic rhetoric and actual military preparedness. **"He Needed Rest"** depicts a deranged man arrested for ranting incoherently about military strategy, submarines, and invasion scenarios. The judge dismissively attributes his breakdown to reading alarmist editorials in the *New York Tribune* about national unpreparedness—satirizing both war anxiety and sensationalist press coverage. **"Almost Too Late"** is a medical editorial excerpt criticizing delayed appendicitis surgery, followed by the magazine's dry commentary on the now-obsolete concern for those who've already had the procedure. The page satirizes American anxiety about military unpreparedness, naval policy, and media-fueled panic during the neutral period before U.S. entry into WWI.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Rabid Teetotaller: savep FROM THE WRECK, BUT I OWE MY LIFE TO A B-BEER BARREL ! He Needed Rest Kee hands led him to the police ambulance. There was that in his face which demanded pity. The judge gazed upon him benevolently. “You found him,” he said to the officers in charge, “ brandishing a pistol and muttering. Ah, prisoner, what have you to say?” The prisoner stood up, “If,” he said, “we have twelve sub- marines with an average speed of nine miles on the level, what is the total horse-power of our siege-guns? Hav- ing landed Belgium on Long Island, one hundred thousand strong, we first grab the Metropolitan Tower and then—but peace! I say peace! Great Jcsephus, hand me the Mellin’s Food! No soft drink has passed my fevered lips for days, Also, it is nine miles from the mountains of Jersey, and who, I say, shall prevent the landing? Pase navy! Ah! I——” The judge motioned to the officer. “Take him away; give him a good, square meal and a night’s rest. He is only some poor citizen who has been reading the editorials in the New York Tribwire on the nation’s unpre- paredness.” a) a) ce My Navy (A Patriotic Solo by Hon, Josephus Daniels, N. C. B.) Y navy, 'tis of thee, Right hand of liberty, Of thee I sing; Ships that my fathers tried! Ships once the Pilgrims’ pride! From every port-holed side Let grape-juice spring! My country’s navy, thee, Hand of neutrality, Thy name I love; I love thy sailor boys, Thy dress parades and noise, In fact, all harmless joys Brought by the Dove. Let music swell the breeze, And float out o'er the seas, While dreadnoughts prance; Let bands marine awake, Let crews their work forsake, Our navy’s rank’s at stake— On with the dance! Nation-wide press, through thee, Fount of publicity, I lift my song: Long may our task be slight, And Woodrow’s guiding light Protect us from the fight— Great guns! we're strong. Edmund J. Kiefer. Almost Too Late If doctors would only get the idea out of their heads that if a person has appendicitis the only thing to do is to sit down and watch the case for twenty-four hours and then operate if the patient is not mori- bund, there would be fewer deaths from operation. We are beginning to realize that appendicitis is often a medical and not surgical disease. —Dr. C. H. Newth, in Medical Brief. IF there is anybody who still has his beloved appendix upon his person he will welcome this belated bit of information; but we of the great be- reft majority can only look dumbly upon these pregnant words and heave a prodigious sigh. BWLD, THE INTRODUCTION comicbooks.com