Life — August 5, 1915 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

228 Life’s Fresh Air Fund Inclusive of 1914, Lire’s Fresit Ain Fuxo. has been in operation twenty-eight years. In that time it has expended $150,987.38 and has given a fortnight in the country to 36,767 poor city children, The Fund is supported entirely by bequests and voluntary contributions, which are ac knowledged in this column, Previously acknowledged 286.63 C Ae H.R. Sines 16000 Harriet Hunter’ Ledgwick |. : Mr. Somebody .........+ Mr. No Name ....... : Miss I. N. Murphy, Directress’ of Presentation Day Nursery « + $.00 john I oe ae $.00 10.00 10.00 10.00 10.00 $.00 Marion BL ‘Inman “In memory of C. Little Fred and Burr : “Tn loving memory of F. S. D Mrs. J, A. Swan - C. BLT... “Tn memory “From Dick a Gerald Clark 10.00 Anonymous 5.00 Bertha S. ee $.00 In memory of Mati $0.00 John Roger .. 23.00 Cc. W. Van La $0.00 $4,593.37 A Toast To Women (By Our Regular Expert Misogynist.) ERE’S to unlovely woman, first war, first in prattle and first in the pocketbooks of her countryman; whose nervous system dominates her intellect, whose character is determined by expediency, whose word is a jest. AT LIFES FRESH AIR FARM SYMPATHY POPULAR BECAUSE HE KNOWS THE THINGS THEY REALLY WANT TO HEAR The Moming Session “AJOW, children, remember that the navy is the greatest school in the world, and I am the greatest schoolteacher. Johnnie Jones, you may tell us what a battleship is.” Jounnie Jon: A battleship is— er—is—er—a ship made of scrap iron, goes from sixteen to twenty-two miles an hour and is used as a stake boat by the battleships of other nations. It is also blown up by submarines. Splendid! I had no idea you were so bright. Now Willie Peters may tell us what a submarine is.” Witure Peters: A submarine is an iron monster that sinks beneath the level of the waves and sometimes comes up. nd what happens to it when it doesn’t come up?” “That's a way it has so that every- body can know it belongs to the great American navy.” 7 “Fine! Now, Bobby Buntline, tell us what a torpedo is” Bonny Bunttine: Please, teacher, can I have a bottle of grape-juice, so's I can talk as if I knew it all? “Certainly, Bobby. But what makes you think it will have that effect?” “Because, teacher, I've seen you drinking it. . A torpedo is—a torpedo is—say, teacher, did you ever see a torpedo “Now, Bobby, you mustn't be so inquisitive. It is not necessary for me to see or know anything about tor- pedoes, because I am only the head of the navy, but you may be called upon some day to defend your country, and then you really ought to know what a torpedo is.” Borry: But I do know, teacher. “Well, then, what is a torpedo?” “A torpedo is a cigar-shaped instru- ment that cannot be made in this coun- try until a year or so after it is needed.” “Why is that, Bobby?” “T don’t know, teacher, but I guess it is because we spend our time talk- ing about it while the enemy. is blowing us little boys and girls on the merchant ships up in the air. Say, teacher-——” “What is it, Bobby?” “Why don't you resign?” “Um! The class will now take a recess. Bobby, you will stay after school and copy the sentence ‘Josephus Forever’ fifty time Correct Definition TEAR ER: neutral? Jounny: Please, ma’am, it’s a per- son what gets blowed up. Johnny, what is a ooks.com