Life — June 10, 1915 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

1032 Life’s Fresh Air Fund The Fund is supported entirely by be: quests and voluntary contributions, which are acknowledged in this column, Previously acknowledged D. Schnakenberg .....+ : S$ty156.04 ACKNOWLEDGED WITH THANKS From Messrs, Alex. Taylor & Co., Inc., New York City: Six fencing masks. Two college flags. Interviews With Dead Celebrities [® 3s @ warm day in midsummer. As I strolled up the gang-plank I caught sight of the old gentleman, sitting in a steamer chair in the shadow of one of the deck cabins, reading the baseball score. He stroked his heard thoughtfully, . So you've come to interview me, after all these centuries,” he said. “Yes, I suppose I was the first one to start the house-boat idea, Most of these things, as you know, are origi- nally founded on necessity. I never should have thought of spending the summer on a house-boat if I hadn’ to speak, been up against it. Rain! Young man, if you think you've seen it rain, you don’t know anything about it. We just stayed inside while it poured outside, and played cr and whiled away the time. Fortu- nately, my wife pets. The rhinoceros came up every morning to he petted, and she never failed him. Great woman, my w At the end of a week she had ‘em all scared to death, You ought to see her give the porcupine his daily bath. Plenty of running water, ha! And, yet, you should have seen Shem’s hands. I never could understand where that boy got to—Rain! Believe me!” “We've made some improvements since your time,” I observed.“ Take wireless, for instance.” “Well, I don't know. It wouldn't have done me much good. No wire- less machine would have done the trick that the dove did. The moment I saw that olive branch I said to myself: “Hurrah! the war in Europe is over!’ You must excuse me—I seem to be getting my dates mixed, At any rate, IT knew that the deadlock was ended. loves AT LIFES FRESH AIR FARM THE TUG-OF-WAR There had been a compromise some- where. My, but we were all glad! Have you ever been cooped up in a house-hoat for forty days with a com- plete line of close relatives? Well, you know how we felt. Am I talking to suit?” He was so gentle, so accommodat- ing, sitting there stroking his beard, that I hated to tell him, “Well, you see, Mr. Noah,” I said at last, “what I really want to know is thi Would you do it over again if you had to?” “Do what?” “Why, save the human race by your celebrated house-boat act? Wouldn't it have been better, after all, to have let the flood come, without any prepara- tion?” The old gentleman continued to stroke his beard thoughtfully, “Do you know,” he said, “I've often thought about that, and never could come to any conclusion. When I look over some of the philosophical sys- tems that have arisen, and the books on theology, and the new feminism, and highbrows, and literary snobs, and child labor, and after-dinner speaking. and woman's clothes, and boss rule, and municipal governments, and all such things, I am sorry I did it; but, then, again, I glance over Lire, look at the baseball averages, skim the comic supplements, go to a cheap vaudeville, take a trip in a gasoline buggy and canter-waltz with the old lady; and, after all, it almost seems worth while!" Wrong Diagnosis ORE of the prominent clubs of this city gave a contract for the deco- ration of their building in honor of the it of the fleet, and the deco- rator conceived the idea that the word “welcome” spelled out in signal flags would be an appropriate and beautiful design for the front wall, Over the entrance. He asked a naval officer for directions, and, following the code which said officer wrote out for him, a very interesting result was obtained. Judge of the surprise of the contractor when an army officer, happening by, asked: “Do you know what you have written?” “Why, weleom stammered the decorator, “Not hy a long shot!” said the army officer. “You have got up there, ‘To hell with the army’.” comicbooks.com