Life, 1915-04-08 · page 14 of 44
Life — April 8, 1915 — page 14: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two distinct pieces of satirical content: 1. **"Victory!" poem** by Edna St. Vincent Millay celebrates Allied military success in WWI, referencing "Five hundred miles of Germans" and soldiers retaking trenches. 2. **"The Three Policies" story** satirizes insurance industry absurdity. A beautiful princess announces three insurance policies to suitors—the joke hinges on the third suitor's refusal to interpret the policy, calling it dishonest. The cartoon below shows a man interrupting social gatherings, desperate to discuss "Bridget's affair." The humor targets both insurance companies' opaque language and social etiquette violations. The accompanying sketches illustrate the awkward interruption of polite society by someone obsessed with gossip or business matters—a commentary on changing social priorities and corporate culture.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
DRY BOB-SLEDDING FOR MOTORISTS THE ABOVE CONTRIVANCE MAY BE RIGGED UP WITIL TWO FORDS AND A PLANK Victory ! IVE HUNDRED miles of Germans, Five hundred miles of French, And English, Scotch and Irish men All fighting for a trench; And when the trench is taken And many thousands slain, The losers, with more slaughter, Retake the trench again. Edwin Dwight, The Three Policies NCE upon a time there was a beautiful princess who was pas- sionately admired and loved by every one who saw her picture in the leading fashion papers week after week, as she sat on a fence looking at a foot- ball game, or was walking with her chow dog in a high wind, One day the princess ordered a proclamation to the following effect sent out: “Here are three insurance policies. The young man in all my kingdom who can interpret any one of them correctly can have my hand in matri- mony.” The news rapidly spread, and the next morning three young men pre- sented themselves for the test. Said the first: “This means that in case your palace burns down, you get eighty per cent. of the difference between what it is appraised at, less what the company thinks you ought to have, minus what the last legislative body thought ought to be conceded on account of a bad fire that took place in Constantinople year before last.” Everybody cheered at this, and the first suitor began to make calculations on the back of an envelope as to the cost of a wedding breakfast. Then said the second suitor: “Hem! This is an accident insur- ance, covering loss of limb or death or other injury—provided that the de- ceased was in good health at the time, and did not suspect anything. Also, if the moon was in the third quarter, or he was lying under a motor-car with a west wind, then everything is null and void, in which case the weekly indemnity, if any, is subject to a fine and possible impris- onment, all common carriers excepte: The second suitor was also high}: applauded, and it really looked as if he might get all the gate money, when the third suitor stepped forward. He was, as is customary, much handsomer than the other two, and very poor and honest, and really needed looking after ; but when the princess handed him the third insurance policy, he shook his head and refused “Your Majesty,” he said, “you will have to pardon me, but I didn’t know what the test was. Iam young and in- nocent, but I know too much, I hope, to attempt to interpret any insurance policy in these days. Sorry to lose you, but I beg to withdraw.” Then the princess threw herself in his arms, while the grand vizier or- dered a couple of underwriters buried alive. “TI knew by the blank look on your face, darling, that you were a sure winner,” cried the princess. NO RESPECTER OF PERSONS “JUST EXCUSE ME WHILE I SEE HOW BRIDGET'S AFFAIR IS PROGRESSING” comicbooks.