Life, 1915-02-11 · page 28 of 44
Life — February 11, 1915 — page 28: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a satirical piece mocking a Japanese schoolboy writing Valentine's Day poetry to American political figures. The humor relies on broken English ("wassa-marra-you," "howeverly," "darnly obvious") and deliberate malapropisms to create comic effect. The boy addresses President Woodrow Wilson about making peace in Mexico (referencing the Mexican Revolution with Villa, Carranza, and Zapata), New York Governor Whitman regarding executions of criminals (likely the 1914 Sing Sing executions), and the NYC subway system. The satire targets American politics and institutions by having an outsider expose their absurdities through innocent questions: How can Wilson make peace when Mexican leaders constantly overthrow each other? Was Whitman's execution method too obvious? The positioning—a foreigner pointing out logical contradictions in American governance—was a standard Life magazine technique for political critique. The page's header notes it contains "Literary Rebukes," confirming the satirical intent.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“leRIE Letters of a Japanese School-boy Comical Valentine Poem Full of Literary Rebukes To Editor “Life Magazine” who are like German army, cultured and kill- ing at same moments. D EAREST SIR:— In sacred territory of Japan, during carly prune-blossom time of Spring, it are customary for all Japan- ese pocts to assemble themself under tree, drink celebrated gin-wine until quite clegant, then write poetry about how they feel. Hon. Valentine date are now ap- proaching up. There are no poetry growing in America, yet passionate weather of February give me sensation of prunes, so I shall write rhythmical sing-song which would sound delicious in Japanese. Jaranese SONNET SuITActr ror VALENTINE. O-Fujiyama-san! Q-Hashimura-san! Hara-kiri, Wassa-marra-you? No go. “O postal pidgeon, Sperching on kitten-willow bow With business-depression expression of wing, (Due to European war), Will you carry for me Few valentinish poctries To personalities I love?’ Hon. Pidgeon Make dum-dum flip of feathers And report, “So sorry, no can do. High cost of flying Have made it umpossible for me to flutter freely As of yore. Howeverly, I shall be entirely joyful to help you wrote some delicious Insults In music of Valentine To certain personaliti We read about in news.” 1 say thank-you to that talented chicken. “Which we write first?” “O postal pidgeon, sperching on kitten-willow bow” I ask to know. “In insults,” he derange with peep, “It are regarded respectful to com- mence With Pres. of U. S.” So I scratch-out this poetickal thought with ink, “O Hon. Woodrow Wilson, you are considerable smart Professor and I wish you teach Japanese school- hoy some education. Please send diagram, chart & thumb-index to- gether with weather-signals, sema- phores and Aztec translations, so I can study how you are going to make peace in Mexico. When Hon. Villa get to be Pres by shoot- ing Hon. Carranza, and Hon. Za- pata obtain highest office in gift of Mexican people by stabbing Hon. Villa at kneck, and somebody else displace Hon. Zapata by poisoning, then how much nearer you get to Peace? Can Peace be obtained by making Presidents chase them- selves around in circles? I ask to know! Do kindness pay? Per- hapsly. But your kindness are be- ing payed in Mexican currency. Rebuke!” Hon. Postal Pidgeon Hear this comical schrooch out, “Very smart poetry! But I got more detestable sing-song.” So he scroll following rhythm with his. sharp finger-nail : “O Gov. Whitman of N. Y. How do you do! Perhapsly you will make good Chicf Exec for the Umpire State. Perhapsly not. It all depends on what you do. Some personalities says you did your obvious duty in sending gun- shoot men to electrified jail. Other personalities says the way you did it were too darnly obvious. Mean-croaking knock-birds continue to decry that if you had executed all Tammany gun-shooters in N. Y. you would need wireless apparatix to electrify men so high up. I think you very fine man, Mayhaps. But will you please show it officially? Maybe you will fill Hudson River with soap and squirt it at your own Party. Maybe you won't. Anyhow, I leave N. Y. State to you And hope you can accomplish more with it than I can.” Nextly I whistle in sweet musical: “ON. Y. Subway, I admire you for your ponderosity of engineering miraculousness, The workmanship of your wheels, The giganteriferous — roary-strength with which you go off, Your officiency in getting there, The admirabilious size & beauty of construction, The rapid long-rangeness with which you can shoot from Harlem to Battery, valentine and