Life, 1915-01-14 · page 34 of 44
Life — January 14, 1915 — page 34: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several humorous short pieces typical of early 20th-century American satirical magazines: **"The Short Days"** presents a child's literal logic about thermal expansion—days seem longer in summer heat, shorter in winter cold—a innocent misunderstanding of physical principles. **"Her Choice"** satirizes shallow materialism: a woman selects which child to bring to church based on which coordinates with her dress, rather than any meaningful criterion. **"The Domestic Machine"** uses irony to comment on gender roles: a frustrated husband wishes for a machine to hook corsets, and his wife replies he *is* that machine—he's the one doing the laborious work while she applies makeup. **"In the Dark Ages"** appears to be a racial humor piece (Cornell Widow), typical of the era's problematic conventions. The page also contains a Cook's Imperial champagne advertisement claiming the war hasn't diminished quality, and a sketch showing a philanthropist promising investigation and aid to a desperate man—likely commentary on charity bureaucracy. These pieces reflect popular humor of their time, emphasizing domestic situations, class observations, and wordplay.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Short Days The teacher was trying to explain to her class the effects of heat and cold. She told her little charges that an iron bridge would expand several inches in hot weather, and contract a like amount in cold weather. ‘ She then asked a little girl for another instance of the expansion and contrac- tion caused by heat and cold. The child hesitated for a minute or so, and then replied : “In hot weather the days are long; in cold weather they are much shorter.” —Youth’s Companion. Her Choice Tue Mistress: I shall take one of the children to church with me this morning, Mary. Tue Genera: Yes'm; which? Tue Mistress: Oh, whichever will go best with my new mauve dress. —London Sketch, “WE LOOK BEFORE AND APTER AND PINE FoR WHAT 1S NOT” In the Dark Ages When Rastus Johnsing’s son arrived, He looked just like his poppy. In fact, the doctah done declared He was a carbon copy. —Cornell Widow. The Domestic Machine Mr. Meek was laboriously hooking up the back of his wife’s evening dress just as the clock was striking their dinner hour and their dinner guests were ring- ing the doorbell. Mr. Meek breathed hard; his forehead was damp and: his hands shook. “TI do wish some one would invent a machine to do this kind of work!" he muttered, miserably. “Why, they have!” replied his wife, brightly, as she applicd some powder nonchalantly to her nose. “ They have, and you are it."—Youth’s Companion. Oratory in Tatters With all due apologies to Patrick Henry, to sink or swim is apt to mean to or die, anyway. And to live o1 is at least remotely similar to survi or perishing. —Woman's Home Companion, ing, Lire is published every Thursday, simultaneously in the United States, Great Britain, Canada and British Possessions. "$5.00 a year in advance. Additional postage to foreign countries in the Postal Union, $1.04 a year; to Canada, 52 cents. Single cur- rent copies, 10 cen Back numbers, after three months from date of publication, 25.cents, issues prior to 1910 out of’ print. ; The text ond illustrations in Live are copyrighted, For Reprint Rights in Great Britain apply to Live, £14 Southampton Row, London, W. C. Lire is for sale by all newsdealers in Great Britain and may be obtained from bool. sellers in all the principal cities in the world. The foreign trade supplied {rom Lirts London Office, Rolls House, Breams Buildings, London, E. No contribution twill be ‘return licited contributions. Prompt motifcation should be sent by subscribers of any change of address. unless accompanied by stamped and addressed envelope. Live. does not hold itself responsible for the loss or non-return of ume One thing the war has not done— it hasn't robbed us of Extra Dry the champagne that never did have to bear a foreign label to make it as rich, pure, bubbling and full of the soul of the grape as any wine anybody, anywhere ever bought. Sold everywhere— Served everywhere AMERICAN WINE Co. Sr. Louts, U.S. A. the well: were! neve! MY GOOD MAN. Voice from Philanthropist: BE PATIEN CASE WILL RE INVESTIGATED, AND, IF FOUND DESERVIN‘ YOU WILL RECEIVE ASSISTANCE IN DUF COURSE comic! Ss Electri Floatin ~ Safer Type 7