Life, 1914-12-24 · page 5 of 40
Life — December 24, 1914 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
The poem satirizes Theodore Roosevelt's failed 1912 presidential comeback. The "Bull-Moose" refers to Roosevelt's Progressive Party, which split the Republican vote. References to "the Colonel homeward plods," "nomination from his sight," and "Hi Johnson made a winning fight" allude to Roosevelt's defeat and Woodrow Wilson's victory. The cartoon below depicts a woman attempting to console a military officer, captioned "Giving Him a Smile." The accompanying Old Saratoga whiskey ad repurposes this domestic scene for advertising, with text about cheering up "Mr. Potential Ward Boss." The page mixes political commentary on Roosevelt's failed ambitions with unrelated consumer advertisements, typical of *Life* magazine's satirical-commercial format.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
YOUR MOTOR WARM Direct Heating System C For heating th i AS For heating the water circu- ‘SS lating system of an automobile I independent of the motor. in cold weather. Increases the efficiency of the motor 50%. The Neverout Radiator and Garage Heater— applies the heat directly where required—no waste ; uses city gas (protected by gauze like miner's safety lamp) or electricity. IT SOLVES THE COLD GARAGE PROBLEM Neat and compact, hangs on garage wall when not in use Wasa phenomenal succesalast winter. Enjoy yourcarthiswaater See our Exhibit at New York and Chicago Auto Shows reason HE curfew tolls the knell of Oyster Bay, The blowing Moose no longer can agree, . Colonel homeward plods his weary way, And leaves New York to Whitman and to me. The Now fades the nomination from his sight, And all the States a solemn stillness hold, Save where Hi Johnson made a win- ning fight, Although he left poor Heney in the cold. The boasts of Theodore, his lust for power And all that Perkins from his wealth cer gave Await alike the inevitable hour; Third party movements lead but to the grave. The applause of listening Senates to command, Complaints of pain and ruin to de- spise, To gather plenty from a smiling land And give this simple nation a sur- prise, Their lot forbade; nor circumscribed alone Their vaunted virtues, crimes confined ; Forbade when asked for bread to give a stone, The while they talked reform for but their all mankind. For office to their eyes her ample page Rich with the spoils of war did ne'er unroll. Chill penury will now repress their rage And freeze the genial current of their soul. But who to dumb forgetfulness a prey This pleasing anxious being ec’er resigned, Gave up the White House for an Oyster Bay cast one look behind? Nor longing, lingering Alas, in this neglected spot is laid A heart once pregnant with Pro- gressive fire; Hands that the rod of empire might have swayed Or raked in ecstasy some wilful liar. Yet c’en these bones from insult to protect Some frail memorial is erected nigh, With uncouth names and ten com- mandments decked And deeply graved letter “I”. thereon the Roy Jones. Smile ACH! "tis the cockles 0’ yer heart she’s after warmin’, Mr. Potential Ward Boss. And bless yer lovin’ sowl, ’tis the rare wise ’un, she is, and knowin’ the way to a mon’s | fd Saratogg When you want EXTRA FINE WHISKEY a real and then make sure you get it. drink ask for If your dealer hasn’t Old Saratoga in stock, send us six dollars and we will see that you get at once four full quarts, all charges paid. Rosskam, Gerstley & Co., Philadelphia e Fast colors, correct fit and satis- factory wear, not only claimed, but GUARANTEED. It pays to look for when you buy shirts. Write for “ Ethics of a Gentleman 6 Dress” and Catalog of Emery Shirts ‘W. M. Steppacher & Bro., inc., Philadelphia Offices—also: New York, Chicago, St. Louis A Wrong Diagnosis? REFERRING to an idea recently emphasized by a modern essayist that the basis of true marriage must be sought in friendship, a writer in the Minneapolis Journal says: In this view, marriage, to be ac- counted successful, must be based on something more than sex, for there is no sex in friendsl‘p. Our friend is evidendy unaware of the modern scientific belief, the chief exponent of which was Otto Weinin- ger, that friendship is only a modified form of sex. Tissues are cither male or female. Every man is part femi- nine, Every woman is part masculine. Opposites attract. Marriage, along this spectroscope of feminine vibratory compensations, is only an incident. Hatred and War PEOPLE often fight without hatred out of the necessity of the case, to defend their personality, So fight husband and wife, parent and child, often with an indestructible fidelity and affection underlying their quarrels. So also, sometimes, fight nations, not out of hatred, but out of their national necessities, and because they can hit on no other way of adjust- ment. Fighting, to be sure, is apt to breed intense animosities, but they are duc more to atrocities, reprisals and hard exactions following war than to mere blows and martial killing.