Life — December 24, 1914 — page 36: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Mrs. Fletcher went up to the city one morning to do some shopping. She was looking for some house furnishings, and went to a large department store. Walking up to a tall, blond floor- walker, who was walking slowly down the aisle in a languid and elegant man- ner, she said: “Will you please tell me where I can see the candelabra?” “All canned goods two counters to the right,” replied the official guide, briefly —Harper’s Magazine. Wine Jelly when flavored with Abbotts, Bitters ls made fal and healthful. Sample of bitters by mail, ine more delish Beta. in stamps, C. W. Abbott & Co., Baltimore, “By the way,” said Mrs. De Style. “Yes?” “Do you know of any poor persons who would care for a discarded lorg- nette? "—Boston Transcript. “WHY DON'T YOU CITISEL YOUR NOVEL IN SANDSTONE OR SOMETHING SOFTER THAN GRANITE?” “WELL, THEY SAY HARD WRITING MAKES EASY KEADING.” The War Week by Week As Seen from New York. Being Observations from LIFE by EDWARD S. MARTIN Net $1.00 Vital, original. LIFE’S editorials on war's camnage from the point of view that man’s main business is to live, E. P. DUTTON & COMPANY Reh Ave, YORK, The Best Regular Servites to EGYPT, INDIA, CHINA, PHILIP- PINES, JAPAN, AUSTRALIA, NEW ZEALAND. Round World and Wister Tours in IND! PENINSULAR & ORIENTAL S. N. CO. Fall information from CUNARD LINE, 21-24 State Street, N. Y. The Aristocrat of Cigarettes RAMESES Largest Selling 20c Cigarette Possibly It's Old, But—Here Goes! My auto’ tis of thee, short cut to pov- erty—ot thee I chant. I blew a pile of dough on you two years ago, and now you quite refuse to go, or won't or can’t. Through town and countryside, you were my joy and pride; a happy day. I loved thy gaudy hue, thy nice white tires so new, but now you're down and out for true, in every way. To thee, old rattle- box, came many bumps and knocks; for then I grieve. Badly thy top is torn, frayed are thy seats and worn; the whooping cough affects thy horn, I do believe. Thy perfume swells the breeze while good folks choke and sneeze, as c pass by. I paid for thee a price "twould buy a mansion twice, now every- body's yelling “ice"—I wonder why? Thy motor has the pip, even the skid chains slip, and woe is thine. I, too, have suffered chills, ague and kindred ills, en- deavoring to pay my bills since thou wert mine. Gone is my bankroll now. No more 'twould choke a cow, as once before. Yet if I had the mon, so help me John—amen, I'd buy myself a car again, and speed some more. * —Marysville (Ky.) Messenger. GREAT BEAR SPRING WATER SO cents the case of 6 glass stoppered bottles The Yoke George Ade, from the spacious win- dows of his club, nodded towards a thin, meek man, who, carrying half a dozen packages, walked beside a large woman of haughty aspect. “Alas, poor Smith!” said Mr. Ade. “TI knew him when his wit was wont to set the table in a roar, And now—look at him now!” Mr. Ade shook his head sadly as the somewhat cowed, crushed figure of Mr. Smith vanished. Then he said: “ All men are born free and equal, but the majority of them marry at the age of twenty-five or so."—London. Opinion, Its Drawbacks An American who spends much of his time in London tells of an auctioneer there who, in addition to a fine personal appearance and splendid elocutionary tal- ents, possessed considerable culture and knowledge of human nature. At a book sale this gentleman would read with exquisite taste passages from the books he was selling, with brief biographies and criticisms of their au- thors, reciting hexameters from Greek and Roman classics, and rendering pas- sages from humorous writers with a tone and air so ludicrous as to set the room in a roar of laughter. Thus he often won higher prices for books than those got at the shops. An amusing example of his cleverness in extolling an estate is the language with which he once closed a highly colored description of the property he was sell ing. For a few moments he paused, and then said: “And now, gentlemen, having given a truthful description of this magnificent estate, candor compels me to admit that it has two drawbacks—the litter of the rose-leaves and the noise of the nightin- gales."—Harper’s Magazine. THE IDEAL WINTER_ RESORT oirets Mit* BERMUDA not Enervating PRINCESS HOTEL Is NOW OPEN Rest location and equtoment on the liland. | Modern service thecophost Gath ‘room. tiled. seimming pool, our own fect of yecbes. super crives athe Maing, gol, tennis, sea taking. 48 bours trom New York NOWE & TWOROGER, MGRs, mammLros, BERSTD OF BRAINS IGARS “MADE AT KEY WEST— romicb' FOR _ g MEN