Life — December 17, 1914 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

1116 ally. “Hon. Wm are good family man and other high qualities, He are affectionate father and permit Hon. Crown Prince to smoke cigarettes be- side smokeless siege guns where he can get good moving picture of %4 Germany being shot. ‘ot only this, but he are very patriotic. “ Patriotism are love of country are not?” is next question for Nogi. “Undoubtedly yes,” I snuggest. “This patriotic king teach his people “How he do this?” Nogi reply. “By permitting them to walk in solid splatoons against French-speak- “Togo, I seem to lost ambition” ing cannon and to remain dead in heaps all over Belgium. While doing this he make his country considerable popular among French, English, Rus- sians, Montenegros, Servians, Italians, Japanese, and considerable other millions who are urging their young men to be murdered behind trench to oblige that royal whimm. Patriotism are like several less pleas- ant disease—persons catch it from each other, Because Hon. Wm arose up one morning still suffering from divine in- spiration which he drunk night before, then was signal for all Europe to make its will and commence singing national anthems.” Ee + 1600 1700 800 THE STORY OF AN “When folks begin singing national anthems then is time for nurses to pre- pare bandages,” Nogi, thinks frequently, “Not since date of Napoleon have so many bands played to drown groan- ing in hospitals. Laughter has been forgotten by women who see nothing amusing in widowhood with consider- able starving children in every house ; best thinkers in France, Germany and England cannot observe the intellec- tuality of holding up their good brains to stop cheap bullets; butcher, baker & taxicabman cannot see some tense com- fort or profit in sleeping in ice-water while shooting at uniforms they care nothing or less about. Yet they must do so because war is hell and therefore desirable to Ambition,” “Hon..Emp Wm do not want war neither, do he?” Nogi agnosticate. “ Sipposedly not,” I narrate, “Quite frequently he weep for something. Now & occasionally, when not engaged in clipping those moustache, he dictate following manifestus: repose who “*Divine Inspiration No 442311-D —My heart bleeds for Louvain also for Rheims cathedral, little girls crip- pled by Zeppelin bombs, hospitals blown up or any other atrocities not yet reported and included in Pr: gram of German Culture so glori- ously begun in our faithful province, Belgium. I am aware of some suf- fering among killed and wounded, 1900 AMERICAN FORTUNE but widows and orphans are invited to feel no loss, because I am still here to extend fatherly love to any- hody between age of 16 and 60 willing to leave home at oncely and be killed out of affection for me. “Tam friend of Peace. I did not start this war. It were forced on my dearie Fatherland out of fear of Servia who are armed and very dangerous. Also I would stop war if possible; but can’t do, thank you, lecause War Lords are good starters. but poor stoppers. “Cheer up, Germans! Everything you do is for glogy. Fifth Reserve Corps, composed of men between 60 and 75, will start at once for Ant- werp, Wn Emp. Thusly do I tell it in brainstormly manner while my cousin Nogi look at me very carnegetically, “One thing I notice it,” he arro- gate at lastly. “Hon. Japan are warfaring with considerable minus enthusiasm. “Japan are considerable behind the march of civilization,” I corrode. “Which way are civilization march- ng?” he ask to know. “ Toward barbarism,” I saunter while feeling entirely blued. Hoping you are the same Yours truly HaAsuiMura Toco. (Per Wallace Irwin.)