Life, 1914-12-03 · page 70 of 92
Life — December 3, 1914 — page 70: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page combines two distinct elements: a satirical essay attacking bureaucratic incompetence, and advertisements for consumer goods. **"The Official" Satire:** Life magazine's opening piece mocks government and institutional officials as intellectually unqualified. The satire claims officials succeed *because* they lack intelligence and originality—that competence would actually disqualify them. Their public statements ("utterances") are described as spanning "two points of total ignorance." This represents typical early-20th-century American skepticism toward government authority and bureaucratic pretension. **Christmas Gift Section:** The remainder promotes *Vanity Fair* magazine as a self-gift alternative to traditional presents. It argues readers should "give yourself" a subscription rather than buy others gifts, framing magazine subscriptions as culturally superior gifts that provide ongoing value through theater reviews, arts coverage, and fashion content—appealing to aspirational, educated readers. The tone throughout is satirical and slightly cynical about both government competence and consumer culture.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
_ AaPESSLIFE ARMS The Official N official is a person whose lack of brains is conceded by the fact that he has A been given authority. When we come to conduct a careful investigation into the merits of those who invested him with authority, we come to understand that the only basis upon which they could do this was their own lack of any special intelligence. If an official should suddenly exhibit unusual intelligence, he would imme. diately become disqualified. All officials are not alike. Some of them know less than others. An official's importance and bad manners are generally in inverse proportion to what he knows. Most officials communicate with the public by means of an “utterance”. An “ offi- cial utterance” is usually the shortest distance between two points of total ignorance. An official is successful in so far as he lacks personality, ofiginality and loquacity. Webber’sisv Alaska Jacket Built for the outdoor man; can be adjusted to suit temperature. All wool and fashioned to fit. Colors: Tan, Oxford and Scarlet. Sold in Sporting Goods and Clothing Stores, or sent to any address, prepaid, on receipt of price, $5. Our booklet, ‘‘The Need, The Make, The Price,’’ tells all about it. A postcard will get it, and dealer’s name. Address GEO. F. WEBBER, Manufacturer 414-416-418 Gratiot Ave. Di =| Give Yourself a Christmas Presen All next month you will be looking for Christmas presents for your friends. You will search the shops. You will not begrudge an extra dollar if you can make quite sure that your gifts will really please. Why not count your- self as one of your own friends—why not take a dollar and give yourself the one gift that will wear best? Arrange now for a half year’s supply of VANITY FAIR Annual Perjury VERY year she says, sez she, “You must solemnly agree Not to buy a thing for me! Gifts mean nothing in my eyes— It's the spirit that I prize — And we must economize.” So we solemnly concur, And we earnestly agree— Not a thing from me to her, Not a thing from her to me. very year I say, sez I, zing gravely, eye to eye, jive me nothing you must buy. You'll admit it’s very true It’s a foolish thing to do, Swapping presents—me and youl” So each year we gravely swear; Though we're thoroughly aware Each will spend a little more On the other, than before. Burges Johnson. There Must Be a Santa Claus One pound of sugar. A genuine egg. Six pieces of coal in box. One lamb chop. I" was Christmas morning. As the only son of the millionaire sprang forward toward the chimney and his cye fastened upon the articles, a com- plete list of which is given at the be- ginning of this story, he uttered an exclamation of delight. “Just. look, mamma,” he cried, “what a wonderful life-saver of a Christmas I’m going to have!” B, taking this precaution now, you will have from Christmas until next June, the latest New York theatrical news. You will have hundreds of stage photographs and in- telligent reviews of the best Broadway pro- ductions, This is a remarkable season for the New York stage. Vanity Fair will keep you in touch with the best of it. Also, you will have the new things from the worlds of art, of books, of music, and of out- door sports. To bring you this news, freshly month by month, is the special province of Vanity Fair. And, by saving you the many dollars that you might otherwise spend on poor plays and dull books, Vanity Fair will keep you decidedly richer than you would be without it. Aboveall else, however, Vanity Fairisinsur- ance against Modelled on the big English and French weeklies, Vanity Fair brings you all manner of pictures and light articles to smile at. It gives you a fund of conversation. From cover to cover, it looks at life cheerfully and entertainingly. Christmas has an aftermath—a feeling, when it is all over, that you ye have nothing much to show for it. But Vanity Fair’s monthly / visits will, for a long time to come, remind you of your fore- thought in getting one thing that you have really needed. comicbooks.com