Life, 1914-11-19 · page 35 of 44
Life — November 19, 1914 — page 35: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This poem satirizes excessive public-health regulation, specifically targeting Dr. Goldwater, NYC's Health Commissioner. The joke escalates absurdly: starting with reasonable disease-prevention measures (muzzling animals to prevent bites), it spirals into muzzling everything—insects, fish, even humans—reducing the concept of "safety first" to ridiculous extremes. The satire critiques over-regulation and the logic that any risk justifies any intervention. By the poem's end, humans themselves must be muzzled "for our glorious race," exposing how safety-obsessed bureaucracy becomes totalitarian nonsense. Below the poem, a separate section titled "Necessity" uses an analogy: a man justifying invading his neighbor's house (burning it, killing residents) because he "needs" to reach France. This appears to reference Germany's August 1914 invasion of neutral Belgium—defending it as necessary military strategy, a contemporary political controversy Life's readers would recognize.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Muzzle ‘Em (Dedicated to Dr. Goldwater, Commis- sioner of Health.) Muzzle ‘em up—yep—muzzle ‘em up, Muzzle the horse and the cat and the ‘pup, Muzzle the roach and the angleworm, do; Muzzle the bee and the butterfly, too, Muzzle the microbe and muzzle the flea, Muzzle the hornet and muzzle the bee. Humans, we're taking a dangerous chance Walking around where the unmuzzled ants, Katydids, beetles and ladybugs live; Muzzle ‘em up, put their snouts in a sieve, Muzzle the beasts and the birds in the 200, Bottle ‘em up in steel netting, please do. Dog days are over, but never mind that, Don't take a chance with the pig or the rat. Muzzle the cows and the sheep on the farm, Hasten, officials, before they do harm. Safety first makes the poor quadruped Travel around with a cage on his head. Muzzle the rooster and muzzle the hen, Fix ‘em up right, for you cannot tell when Fowls will go nutty and then they would peck Names and initials deep into your neck. Muzzle the fish and the eels and the crabs, Anything living that bites, claws or nabs. Summer is ending and winter draws near, Keep on a-muzzling, we've still lots to fear. Human, a muzzle attach to your face; Safety first for our glorious race. Ray 1. Horrmay. From The Bide-a-Wee Home Associa- tion, Inc., for Friendless Animals. Celebrated Hats Noticeably superior in quality and refinement 181 Broadway 178-180 Fifth Avenue New York CHICAGO PHILADELPHIA Agencies in all Principal Cities Peninsular & Oriental S. N. Co., Frequent Sailings, India, China, What Does “Colonial” Mean? TH name is misleading. The quality called ‘‘Colonial’’ has nothing to do with time or periods of history, for it is old as art it- self. It should be named to denote purity, restraint—for it is created only where artists strive to reduce beauty to the simplest terms. It is the style that puts art to. the severest teste No florid designs to conceal a faulty outline, no compli- cated curves to shadow over wrong, proportions—each detail in bold relief, the whole in Pitiless full-light. For these reasons, the per- fect Colonial Silverware never grows wearisome, but is always restful and harmonious. By these standards, judge the typical Reed & Barton “Waverly” pattern here shown. You can find our wares at any leading jew- elers and can distinguish them by the little Eagle and Lion trade mark. Send for ovr book,“ Chats About Silver” filled with needed information for Silver lovers and pleasingly written, Reed & Barton Taunton Established 192% Represented at Massachusetts Fifth Ave. & 32d St., 4 Maiden Lane - New York Boston Chicago Necessity We admit having injured Bel- gium’s neutrality, but we have only done it because of dire necessity, because we could not otherwise reach France.—Herbert Eulenberg, the German playwright, in a reply to George Bernard Shave. San Francisco London Paris this neighbor's house, burns it down, shoots the man’s sons and daughters because they object, and then appro- priates all that is left for his own use. Then he excuses himself by say that it is necessary for his own pur- Poses. Philippines, Japan, Austral A MAN sets into a fight with his “T must live,” said a beggar to Dr. New Zealand, Winter Tours neighbor. In order to get at Johnson India. Round World Tours. him the man has to go across another “Why the necessity?” replied Dr. For full information apply Cinard Een eah cieint SeeereNee Yee neighbor's premises. He breaks into Johnson comicbooks.com