Life — October 8, 1914 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Removing the ‘Cause LADDIN threw down the latest war extra impetuously and rubbed the lamp, The genie, who didn’t even have time to put on his Prince Albert, appeared in his shirt sleeves. “Bring me all the diplomatists of Europe.” “Yes, sire.” The genie touched with his extension wand the bachelor apartment Aladdin was sitting in, and it immediately be- gan to enlarge itself to the proper Proportions to accommodate the crowd, Then he went and got the diplomatists of Europe. Aladdin looked them over critically. “You're a fine bunch!” he ejacn- lated, when they were all seated. He waved the paper in the air, and once more rubbed the lamp. “Here, you dusky old last-year’s model, wait here until you fill my orders, Fetch me some modern 2x- plosives.” “Yes, sire; what kind will you have?” “EPsEY The Opportunist: WISH TO MARRY YOUR DAUGHTER BY THE WAY, SIR, I 613 “What kind have you?” “Bombs in assorted nitro-glycerine in dress cases, sixteen-inch shells, gun- cotton pillows—anything you want.” “Well, make me up a combi- nation order—something — that will please the children and look well on a dark night, and be heard in every government circle ; say, about a million dollars’ worth.” The genie returned with the combination order, “What shall I do with these things, sire?” Aladdin waved his war extra at the rather large and—to be fair—extremely intelligent-look- ing audience of accomplished liars. “T'll see whether you will ever cause another war!” he ex- claimed. “Here, Lampy, dis- tribute them under these gentlemen— neglecting no one—mind you—lay a wire, and order my car.” “'Tis done, sire.” About thirty miles in the suburbs, Aladdin rubbed the lamp again. The genie appeared, holding the other end of the wire. Aladdin‘smiled grimly as he folded one of Woodrow Wilson's frank statements and put it in his pocket for future reference. “You may fire when you're ready, Gridley—or whatever your stage name is.” sizes, suit- 'OBODY seems to have acquired a monopoly of war. It is still a highly competitive industry. comicbooks.com