Life, 1914-09-24 · page 31 of 45
Life — September 24, 1914 — page 31: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two distinct pieces of satire: **"The Wrong Prisoner"** (main story): A fable using Aladdin's lamp to critique war. Aladdin imprisons the "God of Battles" to stop warfare, but wars continue. When he retrieves the god, the god reveals he's not responsible—"The statesmen and diplomats" made him, implying political leaders, not military forces themselves, drive warfare. This critiques politicians' responsibility for war. **"Bess & Tess" dialogue**: A brief exchange mocking American neutrality during what appears to be WWI (referenced by "European town" and the context of the God of Battles story). The joke sarcastically equates America's civilian death toll from accidents and poor food safety with actual war casualties—suggesting Americans shouldn't feel smug about neutrality when domestic conditions kill people too. Both pieces target political hypocrisy and the disconnect between leaders' rhetoric and reality regarding warfare and national safety.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
a 7 HER FIRST “AFFAIR” The Wrong Prisoner ALADDIN rubbed his lamp vigor- ously and the genie rushed up as usual and opened the door. “Bring me the God of Battles,” he said. “Very well, sire, but he’s awfully busy and—” “Get out, you lazy lout, and do as I tell you!” In a short time the genie appeared with the God of Battles. He was ex- ccedingly distraught in his appearance. He had evidently been fighting hard. “I'm going to shut you up,” said Aladdin, “where you can’t get away. I'm tired of your disreputable trade.” The God of Battles frowned. “You have the power,” he observed, resignedly. “Very well. Here, genie, or what- ever your name is, you dusky slave, take this god away, gag him, and keep him in some dark cellar where he can’t do any harm.” “Tis done, sire.” About a weck later Aladdin, looking up from his morning paper, heard in the distance the same old noise. Furi- ously he rubbed the lamp. The genic again appeared. 543 “You miserable apology, didn’t I tell you to tie up that God of Battles!” The slave trembled. “T did, sire.” “And hide him in a dark cellar?” “T did, sire.” “Then, what's going on out there? War, war, nothing but war! Bring him back!” The God of Battles, all bound and gagged, was brought back. “Did you start this latest?” said Aladdin. “ Ungag him, wretch, and let hi peak.” o, your honor.” “Then you are not responsible for these wars?” “ Certainly not.” Aladdin grew thoughtful “Who is?!” he asked. The God of Battles smiled “The statesmen and diplomats,” he replied. And he added grimly: “ They made me.” SS: Aren't you glad the United States is neutral? Tess: Yes, we've lost all of our population that we can spare in rail- road wrecks, Fourth of July celebra- tions, embalmed-food feasts and so on, IGHT WATCHMAN (in any European town): “Fight o'clock—and all’s hell.” / ‘a THE }, [ LETTERS b \ can wait cao ie y Aen ) LU) Sy BIOGRAPHICAL “THE ‘LIFE’ AND LETTERS OF CORNELIUS NobB”