Life — September 24, 1914 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

522 GENE. Letters of a Japanese School-boy Oblivion To Editor “ Life Pamphlet” who can- not be serious, even when he jokes EAR SIR:— My Cousin Nogi were reading historical labor of book yesterday when he abrupt thusly to me, “Togo,” he say so, “this vol. work say, ‘When Napoleon finished enjoying Waterloo he nextly went to Oblivion.’ Where is Oblivion?” “Oblivion,” I define schoolmaster- fully, “are the next station beyond Waterloo.” “Are it pleasant residential locality of place to reside in?” Nogi require; for there are times when that Cousin lives on interrogation points. “Tt are on the quiet side of silence,” I dement. “It are like a village be- yond the Brooklyn trolley. Telephone wires never gets central from there; crimes can be enjoyed in broad day- light without fear of God or Hearst.” “Are there some timetable or other rapid transit what take folks there?” Nogi require, intending to look in- tellectual, “Tt are most important terminus of N. Y,, N. H. & H. R. R," I manage sarcastly, “With such connections there is no wonder folks prefers to remain there when they arrive,” Nogi nudge. “ Yet “The air would be full of wireless cablegrams ” great and noble personalities would prefer to reside in midst of noise, and turmoil near Wall St, fire alarms and equal calamities. Merely small and shrunk-brained people could stay in such suburbs.” “ Quite contrary!" I rake off. “Ob- livion are nearly almost entirely in- habited by famous men. When you observe famous men wearing X at- tached to him, you will know he wear- ing trade mark of that town.” “X?" require Nogi. “Of surely yes!" I snagger. “X-Presi- dent, X-Congressman, X-Champion, X-Manager, X-Scientist—all these wear oblivion-mark on their elbows.” “T should think Oblivion would feel very much famous with so much fa- mous name!" This from Nogi. “Oblivion are deliciously inhabited by celebrities,” I say so. “ But trouble with it are thus: When they gets to Oblivion everybody’s name sound like John Smith. The air is full of gags in such a place. It are unpossible there to talk advertisements about your self because megaphones there grows wrong way to and folks shouting into them are app to blow off their own heads.” “ How shock!” holla Nogi with sad- ness of eyebrows. “ What religion of politics have this Oblivion got to run it by?” “Sometimes one, sometimes some- thing else,” I personify. “Since 1912 it have been Republican and expect to enjoy that honest form of manage- ment for some time yet. But per- hapsly it may get some tigerish quali- ties as soonly as Hon. Chas F, Murphy move Good Ground to that locality. Think how dominated Oblivion must feel with such brainy intellectualities as Hon. Jo-Uncle Cannon, Hon. Jo- Uncle Foraker, Hon. Charles-Uncle Fairbanks and other equally great etceteras buying pretty country homes there and intending to stay and grow up with the real estate. Hon. Doc Cook, who are now one of the most uncelebrated lecturers of that Hon. Town, have recently dishcovered something— ” “Cousin Nogi were reading his- torical labor of book” “What he dishcover?” require Nogi with great suspension. “He find that Oblivion would be less steam rolled and suppressed down by X-Tyrants if honest Non-Partizen Citizen Ticket could be arranged up to include several miscellaneous minds there. Following are ticket which Hon, Cook have dishcovered: Non-Partizen Ticket, Ostivion, State or Coma For Mayor Hon, Alton B, Parker For Aldermen Hon. Fredk Cook Hon. Jas Jefferies The King of Albania Hon. Osc Hammerstein Hon. Harry Lehr Mrs. Pankhurst’s Husband For Street Cleaning Dept Hon. Harry Thaw Superintendent. of Waterworks Hon, Chas. S. Mellen “And so onwards,” I negotiate. “It are always considerable easy for find plenty persons to run that town. There are more genius in Oblivion than in Indiana.” “Do persons ever arrive back from Oblivion?” Nogi ask it. “Considerable seldom,” I corrode. “And yet you meet one every once in now & then. Sometimes they com- mute to Washington long enough to buy cigars or run for President or some other shopping. Sometimes they can be found in court rooms giving hu- morous testimony about railroads they have wrecked. On such occasions they comichooks.