Life, 1914-09-17 · page 14 of 48
Life — September 17, 1914 — page 14: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page satirizes various "useless" professions through exaggerated character sketches. The headings—**Congressmen, Efficiency Experts, Philosophers, and Musicians**—each receive mocking critiques of their societal contributions. The text argues these groups cause more harm than good: congressmen confuse their roles, efficiency experts deceive people about saving money, philosophers waste time dodging results, and musicians are simply "noisy." The accompanying cartoons illustrate these points humorously. The bottom cartoon labeled "A Total Abstainer" shows what appears to be a social gathering, likely making a separate joke (unclear from context alone). This reflects early-20th-century American skepticism toward both institutional authority and expert culture—a common Life magazine theme mocking pretension and uselessness among educated elites.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“GEE, TOMMY! AIN'T DAT HEAVENLY?” The Worst People (With Apologies to E. S. M.) INGRESSMEN: We have never been able to deter- mine how much better Congress would be if it were not composed of a majority of lawyers who cannot make a living in any other way. Why, in a case like this, at- tempt to be over-specific? A Congressman is a Congress- man, and a lawyer is a lawyer. Why confuse them? They are confused enough, anyway. Efficiency Experts: There are all sorts of experts. All of them are bad, but we select the efficiency expert because he is later and therefore worse than all the others. His principal occupation is to convey the impression that he can save money. Saving money, in itself, is a process not tolerated by any good American, But to convey the im- pression that you are doing it is much worse, That is why the efficiency expert is such a bad man. Philosophers: The only possible thing to be said in favor of these unhappy creatures is that there are so few of them. The principal occupation of every philosopher is dodging results. His great harm consists in his power of deceiving cthers. No one being more useless than he is, he spends most of his time in an attempt to deceive others into the belief that he is useful. What can be said of the noisiest people in Musicians Musicians: the world more than to state their occupation? Aunt Kate: on, you precious partinc! won't you GIVE AUNTIE A KISS THIS MORNING? Baby: 1 SUPPOSE I'LL HAVE TO. HERE, NURSE, WASH OFY AUNT KATE'S MOUTH WITH THIS SOLUTION OF BORIC ACID. cause more sleepless nights than babies, and more mental and physical anguish than a permanent famine. The pos- sibility for harm inherent in any single musician is almost beyond belief. When they combine—or attempt to com- bine—the result is something we don’t care to dwell on. Musicians have all the conceit and temperamental defects of actors, plus the capacity of making an infinite variety of noise. Why say more? A TOTAL ABSTAINER