Life, 1914-09-03 · page 43 of 48
Life — September 3, 1914 — page 43: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This Life magazine page contains humorous essays and a joke, plus advertising. **"A Tulip Bed"** by L. H. Robbins is satirical commentary on urban gardening. The author describes planting expensive tulip bulbs, only to have them destroyed by neighborhood children playing, delivery workers stepping on them, dogs digging for bones, and ash collectors dumping debris. The joke is that city living makes maintaining a decorative garden nearly impossible—the "civilized" pastime is constantly sabotaged by ordinary urban activity and people indifferent to property. **The Golf Joke** relies on self-deprecating humor: a poor golfer finds comfort that many bunkers exist, so missing one occasionally feels less embarrassing. **The "What's He Going To Be?" joke** mocks a child's apparent lack of prospects or ambition ("he isn't going to be anything"), yet the speaker still considers this "a good start"—dark humor about low expectations. **The Violet Sec advertisement** promotes Richard Hudnut perfume at 75 cents and $1.40, positioned as luxury goods.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
se joap f refed so A Tulip Bed AlMost any city dweller may have a tulip bed if: he will follow a few simple directions. In October spade up your geranium plot, then give the seed-store men cight dollars for a peck of rare and costly bulbs. Insert the bulbs carefully in the loose soil an inch or so deep and nine inches apart each way by carpenter's rule. Rake the surface over gently until it is level and neat, and your tulip bed is ready to be enjoyed. A tulip bed in winter is the most enjoyable thing out of doors. It is a favorite promenade for small boys, and they will come a mile to walk on your tulips if they learn that you have any planted. Last Sabbath whilst I was at divine worship a company of nice little fellows from the streets nearby came into my.yard and held a running broad jump contest on my tulips. When Maggie, the maid, sought, in an unkind moment, to stop their innocent fun, they pelted her with tulip bulbs, bless their little hearts! If located beside a fence, a tulip bed makes a soft and safe landing place for young athletes pole-vaulting from the adjoining yard. It is also much enjoyed by milkmen, especially after rains, as a spot to plant their feet while stepping over the fence to deliver milk at the next house. I expect to raise a fine crop of milkweed in my tulip bed next summer. The ashmen, too, have a bright minute in their gritty and grimy day; that is when they discover a tulip bed upon which to pile ash-boxes. Dogs find a tulip bed useful as a savings bank. From surface indications I judge that the bones deposited in my tulip bed now number thirty-two, not counting the eight bones I paid for the bulbs. I believe in encouraging thrift, so when I see my forehanded though four-footed depositors excavating my eight dollars’ worth of bulbs 7 never run out and kick them in the ribs, as many a hard- hoofed man would do. I am particularly careful not to hurt their feelings if they are large dogs with regular tecth. L. H, Robbins. IRST GOLFER (desperately): Seems to me there are an extraordinary number of bunkers on this links, Seconp Gorrer: Yes, that’s to encourage you. “How so?” “Well, you may miss one occasionally, and it's a satis- faction to know that there are so many others left.” He: Wwuat’s HE GOING TO BE WHEN HE Grows UP? She: WE ISN'T GOING TO BE ANYTHING. “ WELL—He’S COT A Goop START.” RICHARD HUDNUT’S Violet Sire TOILET WATER Violet Sec is the delight of toilet waters. It is just the breath of the violet—the fragrance of thousands in a single bottle of this inspira- tion of the perfumer. Sold in Good Shops Everywhere 75 cents and $1.40 “Beauty Book”’ Free on Request RICHARD HUDNUT NEW YORK — PARIS