Life — June 18, 1914 — page 30: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

UR. FOO L I SH CONTEMFO ARIES Two for Five Secretary Garrison, of the War De- partment, boarded a horse-car in New York. He had no change and gave the conductor a five-dollar bill, The con- ductor took the bill, walked to the front end of the car and stood there. “My change?” suggested Garrison. “T can't change no five-dollar bill,” the conductor replied. “Then give me back my bill,” de- manded Garrison. “Can't do that either, boss,” the con- ductor replied; “but if you'll stay on the car until we get to the barn you can have the horses!" * —Saturday Evening Post. 4. Mule l esental100pagre, over 300 fe receipt of 10e together with bi S-weeks Vacation Tour ica me 24 Pct $178, ‘0 Baltimore-Southampton-Bremen Service of the Norah German Lierd whose comfortable, one class (11) cab ws provide every fravel ssfeguard—comort without uury—deliclous steals "Write today to A. SCHUMACHER & CO. 190 8 Charles GL, RALTIMORE, MD. EGYPTIA DEITIES » Plain or Cork Tip A Modern Invention A New Yorker was spending a night at a “hotel” in a Southern town, and, when going to his room for the night, he told the colored porter that he wanted to be called early in the morning. The porter replied: “ Say, boss, I reckon yo’ ain't familiar with these heah modern inventions. When yo’ wants to be called in de mawnin’, all yo’ has to do is jest to press de button at de head of yo’ bed. Den we comes up and calls yo'." —Youth’s Companion. Barton & Guestier (“B. & G.”") clarets and sauternes have been sold in the United States for upward of half a century, Bottled in France, and every bottle warranted.—Ady, Applied Natural Philosophy Pat had been engaged to take a trunk across the lake, He placed the trunk in the bow of the boat, with the result that the boat tipped forward. Max (on the dock): What are you rowing with that trunk in the bow of the boat for, Pat? Par: Sure, an’ if it was in the stern wouldn't I be rowin’ uphill all the time? An’ this way I'm rowin’ downhill all the time !—Kansas City Times. In ordering clarets and sauternes the stipulation “B. & G.” insures wine in perfect condition, Serve claret at room temperature—sauterne very cold.—Adv Eye-openers “In choosing his men,” said the Sab- bath-school superintendent, “ Gideon did not select those who laid .aside their arms and threw themselves down to drink; he took those who watched with one eye and drank with the other.” —Philadelphia Public Ledger. Whueue f They had cut off a Chinaman’s queue, And were painting his head a bright blueue; So the Chinaman said, As they daubed at his head: “When T sucue yueue, yueue'll rueve what yucue dueuc.” —Current Opinion. Comfort Without Extravagance Hotel Woodstock, New ¥. “ Fatuzr,” said the small boy, “what is a demagogue?” “A demagogue, my son, is a brilliant and convincing speaker, who wanders away and gets ideas with which you disagree.”"—Washington Star. A delightful summer cruise through a land of indescribable beauty—a coun- try famed for its traditions, pic- turesquescenery and invigorat- ing climate. NIAGARA Falls—Toronto— | Lake Ontario—Thousand Is- lands—St. Lawrence River Rapids —Montreal—Quebec—Murray Bay —Tadousac—Saguenay River Can- yon—Capes Trinity and Eternity— Laurentian Mountains. Labrador Route A newly inaugurated cruise in strange waters, From Quebec along | the north shore of the Gulf of St Lawrence and into the finest hunt- ing and fishing grounds in North America. Lower Gulf Route From Montreal, through the St Lawrence River, along the south shore of the Guif, past the rugged shores of New Brunswick, Nova | Scotia and Prince Edward Island: terminating at Pictou, N. S., and stopping at all important points en route, New York—Quebec The all-water route between New York and Quebec, via Ocean, Gulf and River, A healthful cruise of unusual charm and interest. For particalars, apply ony ticket or tor ist office, or address Desk A. Canada Steamship Lines Limited Passenger Dept. comicbooks.com