Life — June 4, 1914 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

1016 For Those Who Are Helpless tr now develops that the decrease in the death rate from tuberculosis during the “thirty-year period”, from 1882 to 1911, is not so great as some prominent physicians would have us believe. That is to say, in spite of the countless serums and cures, in spite of the lives of legions of animals offered up in experiments, tuberculosis still claims its old proportion of victims. Dr. Thomas J. Mays, of Philadelphia, is under no illusions. Writing in the Medical Record, he states: “Now, if one thing stands out more prominently than another in this whole investigation it is the uni- form and overwhelming evidence that the present prevention crusade is not only a failure as a proph: lactic measure, but really a provoker of the di In other words, and according to a natural law, this long-continued attempt to deceive the public has resulted in more deaths than if nothing had been done, and it was only recently that Dr. Emmet Holt, an eminent physician of New York, in his defense of the practice of inoculating helpless children in public hospitals, de- clared that: “While many of the patients tested were not sus- pected to have tuberculosis, a discovery of the fact that they had the disease was first revealed by the test, to the obvious advantage of the patients.” What is the explanation of the fact that for a period of thirty years in the history of a people whose intelligence is their proud boast, the medical profession should be able to pull the wool over their eyes? Dr. Mays explains it as follows: “To those, however, who are in close touch with the history of movement, this is no surprise. They realize that its whole fabric is founded on a deep- seated obsession of which the history of medicine records numerous examples; these, like similar epi- demics, have their day and then succumb to the inevitable return of sense and reason. Needed Devices ST HOSE of our persevering friends who are still work- ing on perpetual motion, non-refillable bottles, ex- tension step-ladders and left-handed screw-drivers, might add these to their repertories: How to criticize railroads without hurting the feelings of railroad presidents; how to touch upon fiscal irregulari- ties without paining our financial friends; how to argue for a sane Fourth of July without deeply grieving the dealers in fireworks, and how to pet the Wall Street lambs. without making the Wall Street bulls bellow and the bears growl. T ACHER: Did anybody help you with this map, Sam? Sam: No, sir. My brother did it all himself. a eleRak ° “TLL PUT A GIRDLE ROUND ABOUT THE EARTH IN FORTY MINUTES” Some New Words NIPING—Sitting comfortably behind a chimney on your own or a neighbor's roof and picking off pedes- trians. This custom was introduced by Mexicans, but will probably spread to this country, It is highly recommended as being perfectly safe and sportsmanlike. In view of the decreasing number of animals in distant forests, it can be indulged in without leaving one’s home. Sorry-BAND—A modern form of punishment inflicted upon a total stranger. By placing a band of crépe around your sleeve, you sit on the doorstep of the man you don’t like and say nothing. This embarrasses the police depart- ment, gives a new ambition to the jails, and enables the hard-working editorial writers to support their families, while you are siesta-ing in the limelight. SurernationatisM—A code of morals introduced among nations to give them the same standing as white men have. It is based upon the principle that when one nation wishes to rob another nation, all the other nations shall become Parties to the agreement, which shall take place according to certain rules, and over such a distance of time as gives it the feelings of the higher morality. Dreapnaucut—A battleship with a financial halo. The nations are now divided into two classes—those who can- not afford to have a battleship and those who can: Keep- ing dreadnaughts, from the standpoint of nations, is like keeping an automobile, from the standpoint of individuals. You cannot move in the very best society unless you have one. STANDERS-BEHIND—This is a term invented by those who don’t believe in the powers that he, to ridicule those who do, A stander-behind is a man who upholds the adminis- tration by not saying anything against it, and not doing anything for it. This term will probably never be used in any but a political sense. Every husband, for example, might be considered a stander-behind, but his position is really compulsory. Hence it would be unfair to apply this term to him. comichooks.com