Life — May 28, 1914 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Saving the Country IFE is at last able to announce that, entirely without the aid of the government, regional centers have been established throughout the country where reserve funds of stupidity, ignorance, folly and revenge are kept in vaults, so the country can draw on them in time of need, and thus prevent a mental panic among our enlightened people. The work has been quietly going on for some time, no announcement hav- ing yet been made, owing to mistaken motives, likely to be attributed to us by slighted centers. We expect, of course, now that the new system has become a certainty, to hear protests. For ex- ample, Bronkly writes: We don't understand why we haven't been made a Reserve Center. We have every quality necessary. Our clergymen all belong to the dark ages, and the quality of our politics can scarcely be questioned. The committee, of course, had many things to consider. It has long been evident to discerning men and other sober second thoughters that this country is becoming too rapidly enlightened, uplifted and gen- Fnéland¢Holland Travel by the FLUSHING MAIL ROUTE Day Service via Queenboro-Flushing. Night Serv ice via Folkestone-Flushing. Shortest Channel Cross- ing. ioe Steamers ial Poin iin in Northery and Middle Europe ts ma ani . “ Bosttrains between Flushing and The Haruer Amaterdars, Colorne, ‘Hamburg, Berlin, Dresden, Vienna, Bale, Triest, ete. For time tables, rates and further particulars apply to the American Agency of the Flushing Line and Netherland State Railways, 334 Fifth Avenue, NewYork, ) EVETTE-—nousicant Le parfum parfait. The newest creation | oF fe 1g perfumer of the world— Hloubigant Pare. Eventually, with all | who desire the most exquisite in pe perfume, will Evette be distinguished 2s a favorite. rrr Perfumers, Sample Bottle, 20¢ & TILFORD, Agents, NEW YORK | = eee net aiioe ey i Jack Explains for the Flat Milo Red Box erally reformed. Something has got to be done to keep it near the old levels. In the course of a short time everybody will be reforming everyone else, The uplift has already got us by the boot- straps, and we shall soon be off our feet. In this emergency Lire, as usual, has come to the rescue, and our reserve centers of stupidity, revenge, ignorance and folly are the answer. Our main stations are in New York, Chicago, Philadelphia, St. Louis and San Francisco. Please remember that this system is not controlled by politics. On the con- trary it is a case of pure patriotism. In order that we shall maintain con- sistently the noblest traditions of the Anglo-Saxon race, we must be ab- solutely sure of maintaining at their parity among the nations of the world the right combination of folly, stupidity, ignorance and revenge. The national board consists of five members—one member of the medical profession, one lawyer, one psychologist, one railroad president and one editor. We are now safe. “You see the motor had too much oil. When she got heated up we smoked like a volcano. If Joe hadn't been close behind with his little wire rope we would still be playing Vesuvius.” Basline Autowline Frank Miller’s “Mohair Dressing for Mohair Tops, and “Bright” Dressing for Leather Cushions, —— Manufactured by ae FRANK MILER co. LONDON “ Little Steel Rope With The Big Pull” 8 turned many an uncomfortable wait into a safe and tow home. It's “tow home” insurance. Makes certain of “getting there” when nothing else will. About 25 feet, inch flexible Yellow Strand wire rope. Fer better than a bulky manila rope. Weighs less and takes less room. All supply dealers have it. Price, east of Rocky Mountains, $2.95. FREE: Mlustrated Autowline circular. Write for it Broderick & Bascom Rope Co. NOD N, Sad Street. St. Louls, Mo, New York Offlee, 760, Warren Street Manufacturers of famous Yeltow Strand Wire Rope THE PROPER NUMBER comicbooks.com